"Oh. My. God", Rita gasps in shock when I walk into the school the next day. "H - How?", she utters in shock as I flip my hair and swing my hips. You see, I lost over 50 kilos. Overnight. Now I am slim and, not to toot my own horn, I look more beautiful and acceptable.
"How did you lose your weight?! Overnight?!", Rita almost cries. "We-ll", I say, "A fairy godmother came to me last night and told me to make a wish. And look at me today!" Rita gasps. "Really?! How was she? Was she an old woman with wings?"
"Naww", I say, "She was this sexy twenty-something chick who gave me some pills to lose my weight. I think she was a prostitute."
Rita gasps again. "OMG, you took drugs from a prostitute?!" I cover her mouth with my hand and hiss, "Sssssh! Not so loud! Anyway, it worked and now I'm not fat anymore." Rita begins to squirm and struggle and that's when I realise that she's unable to breathe, I was cutting off her air supply. I quickly withdraw my hand and mumble a sorry.
"Wow! You look pretty now! I'm so jealous", Rita remarks and that makes me smile. "I know, right?", I say smugly, "Now I'm gonna be popular!"
"Hey look! Brad's coming this way!", Rita squeals excitedly and grabs my arm. I can feel my heartbeat increase rapidly and I begin to sweat a little.
"Wow!", Brad approaches towards me, "Where have you been hiding all this while, you sexy beast? You new here?" I flip my hair and try to act nonchalant. "I've been studying in this school since grade one, Brad. Don't you remember me?"
"What? Really?", Brad gasps in shock. "Yeah", I say, "I'm Barbara."
"Say whaaaat!", Brad almost faints,"Barbara the barbarian? Barbara the fat chick? Barbara the ugly barbie?"
I narrow my eyes on hearing my nicknames (which the whole school had generously bestowed upon me). "Yeah, that's me", I say.
"What happened to you? You look beautiful!", he exclaims. I blush brightly. Suddenly, Brad kneels on the ground and takes my hand. "Barbara, you're hot and sexy and I love you. Will you do the honour of being my girlfriend?"
"OH MY GOD YASSS!", I squeal while Rita fans herself beside me. "I knew that you always loved me from the start even when I was fat!" Brad chuckles nervously. "Actually no", he confesses, "I never loved you before. But now that you're a skinny bitch, I want to get inside your pants. So yeah, I love you."
"Oh, ok", I say, "That makes sense, I guess."
"So baby, wanna go on a date?"
"Right now?"
"Yes!"
"Ok!"
"But Barbara!", Rita interrupts, "We made plans to go shopping!"
"We'll do it some other time, Rita", I say, "Can't you see I'm with the bad boy? I CANNOT miss a date with him - I might be THE ONE to make the bad boy finally fall in love."
"But that only happens in cliché Wattpad stories!", she whines.
"Well, our lives are just short stories in this vast book of the universe, aren't they? C'mon Brad, let's go!"
# # #
"So, where are we going?", I ask. I am sitting next to Brad in his car.
"It's a surprise", he smiles mysteriously.
I turn on the radio and a pop song begins to play. "Hmmm, this song's really nice", I comment and Brad nods his head in agreement. "The girl's voice is really good. Who's the singer?"
"Justin Beiber. And the song is Baby."
Oops.
Anyway, we begin to sing along with the radio and the moment is so fun and nice and romantic and -
"Brad, watch out!", I scream but it's too late. Brad runs over a small child who was trying to cross the road! Shit!
Brad stops the engine abruptly and looks at me with terror. "Oh god, what have we done?"
I look at him with a "Say whaaat" expression. "What do you mean by 'we'? It was YOU who hit the child, not me!"
"But you turned on the radio and distracted me!"
"Well, you shouldn't have listened to the song then!"
Suddenly, we hear a voice crying. When we look forward, we see a woman lying next to the dead child, crying hysterically. She looks ugly with mascara smudged all over her cheeks due to the tears. I guess she is the child's mother.
"You", she hisses at us as if she's a sorceress about to cast a curse upon us, "You killed my Johnny! You killed my baby son! Now be prepared to face the consequences of your thoughtless actions!"
"We're really sorry, ma'am - "
Suddenly, she pulls out a mobile phone from her pocket. "I'm gonna call the police and both of you are going to jail! Hahaha!"
Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!
"We're going to jail! We'll become criminals!", I wail like a toddler.
But suddenly, Brad starts the engine. He drives the car forward over the speed limit and runs the woman over too. Just like her child. Now both of them are dead. I give Brad a "What the hell" look.
"What?", he asks, "That crazy bitch was gonna call the police! I saved us!" I realise that he is right.
After throwing away the bodies behind some nettle bushes, Brad starts the car and we continue driving to god-knows-where as if nothing has happened. Ssssssshhh! Nothing happened, ok?
If there is anything true in those bad boy stories in Wattpad, it's the fact that bad boys do come with a whole package of troubles.
And if you've forgotten, this was supposed to be our first date.
Nice, right?
Ah! The clichest of all cliché! May I introduce you to the Bad Boy!!! (Boo!) Ok, fine, your main hero is a bad boy, but why do you have to title your story as "The Bad Boy is my neighbour!" or "The Bad Boy is my Fiancée!" or something shitty like that??? Please do NOT include the words 'bad boy' in your story title. I hate it.
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My Wattpad Story
Humor"Hello, my name is Barbara Robinson and I am a sixteen year old girl. And I really hate to admit this, but I am fat. Anyway, I live in this big town called Wattpadville. I study in a school called Wattpad High School. I'm just a normal heavy teenage...
