chapter 18 figure it out

                                    

                                          
"I don't think you should be doing that." The voice belonged to Hikaru, calling out to me who was currently holding a cigarette between my lips. The host club had come over to my house after the whole coming out thing.
                          
"So? There's a lot of things I do that I'm not supposed to." I grumbled before lighting the cigarette, inhaling the fumes.
                          
"Skylar. I'm serious, please don't." Hikaru pleaded, stepping towards where I was standing on the porch. Everyone else was watching Harry Potter. Can you believe the crazy mofos never watched it? Shocking I know.
                          
I frowned at his pleading voice. "Whatever." I threw it on the ground and ground it into the pavement. How else was I supposed to react. I can't just sit there while someone begs me to stop doing something.
                          
Turning, I look at the ginger haired boy. "What?" He asked after a long pause of me staring at him. They are so similar. Hikaru and Damon... I winced and look back at the driveway instead. Maybe if I just put the thought out of my head then it won't be bad. "Hey, don't be mad okay? I'm just worried about your health.
                          
"It's nothing." It almost sounded convincing; except for when my voice cracked. No matter how I look at it, Hikaru is as much like Damon as he looks like his twin. They have that same jokester, brush it off, care for you gently personality. Damon. Damon. Damon. He commited suicide because Darrel and Jean. Abandoned me... Will Hikaru do that too? Will he leave me? Taking Kaoru with him? Won't that eventually lead to Haruhi, Hani and Mori leaving too? And then what reason would there be for Kyoya to stay around?What about Tamaki?
                          
Will you leave me too Tamaki?
                          
A tear slithered down my cheek, quietly crawling down to my chin. "Don't cry... What's wrong?" He asked, turning me to look at him. What if they all... Abandon me? 
                          
"Will you... are you all going to..." I breathed deeply for a moment. "Abandon me too?"
                          
"What the hell? What are you talking about? Why would you think that? How could we abandon you?" The questions spewed past his lips concerned.
                          
"Because... I don't know!" I said flustered. I don't to bring the past back up. I wiped my tears. "Let's go back inside before they get worried." I said quietly before tugging the door open and going back to the living room where the host club were all watching The Goblet of Fire. It was just at the part were Harry is in the bath with the egg when Moaning Mertle is harrassing him. They were all on the floor except Tamaki who laid on the couch.
                          
Hikaru follows me wordlessly back into the room, sitting with Kaoru who was staring at the screen in awe. As for me, I snuggled up to Tamaki after jumping on him and scaring him. We got shushed by the others but it was worth it. I snuggled into his chest as I mouthed each word. Tamaki chuckled and held my back and watched carefully. The others decided to sleep over, since it was lately and it was easier than calling up their drivers or whoever to pick them up.
                          
-----time skip--
                          
It was 1am and everyone was asleep except for Tamaki and I. Everyone was sprawled out on the floor because we didn't want to go upstairs and no one wanted to move. I cuddled into his chest, warmth blossoming on my cold skin. His arms held me close and I was beyond comfy but a thought came to mind.
                          
"Tamaki?" I asked, curiosity corsing through me.
                          
"Hmm?" He asked, nuzzling his cold nose into my neck.
                          
"What are we?" I needed to know. Are we a couple? We've kissed and we act like it but... with all the drama going on i just needed a solid ground to stand on. Figureing this out now was better than tomorrow when I return to school
                          
"What do you mean? What are we?" He asked, pulling back to look at me in the eyes.
                          
"I mean," I pulled back a little. "What are we? What exactly is our relationship? Because I'm not too sure." I wish that he'd just say 'oh by the way we're boyfriends' simple as that.
                          
Tamaki looked me in the eyes before moving my fringe so he could see my boring green eyes. I don't see why but, well he did. "What do you want us to be?"
                          
Did he seriously just say something that cheesy?
                          
"What.. I want?" I whispered. When was the last time someone asked me such a question? When I got to make such a big decision? That it actually depended on what I said?
                          
I can't even formulate an answer nearly close enough to guess.
                          
"Yes. What do you want us to be?" His forehead touched mine. I smiled nervously.
                          
"I want to be..." What did i want us to be? Did I really want to be in a serious relationship where Unknown could hurt me and very much raising the stakes of Tamaki getting seriously injured and not just beat up but maybe hit by a car or even worse.
                          
Did i want to make him go through all of that?
                          
No. Of course not. How could i even think of putting someone so dear to me in so much danger?
                          
I remember when I first saw you cry... Tamaki's voice said in my head I couldn't help but think 'Why could God let someone so beautiful.. feel so much pain?'
                          
"I want to love you." I muttered as I burned red in dark room. There wasn't any light in the room except for the soft creamy glow of the full moon outside. No one was awake but the two of us; so no one but Tamaki and I could've heard the words I said. I wasn't sure what to expect as a reaction from him. Part of me told me that I was an idiot for saying that and that I drove Tamaki into a corner.
                          
The other part of me told it to shut the fuck up.
                          
"Good." Was all he said as those soft lips pressed against mine in a simple sweet kiss. The was no toungue just pure connection of affection that coursed through me into him and back again. When he ended the kiss, he said something that I had never heard anyonen say to me before. "Because I want to love you too." I grinned and stole another kiss before cuddling into his chest as if he was the only source of warmth and I was in the middle of Antartica.
                          
Tamaki's lips pressed against my hair and my temple before he whispered in my ear, "I've been inlove with you for a long time."
                          
Forget double takes, my heart did a quadruple take as I whispered into his ear; "I've loved you longer." He chuckled. I cuddled into him again and his arms pulled me so close that i would be smushed into his chest until morning. Which I was totally okay with.
                          
-------------------------------------
                          
sorry for the short chapter! but this seemed like the best way to leave it. I wanted you all to have something to read and I'll try to get things really rolling in the next (hopefully long) chapter Sorry again! :O
                          
-Misfit