78. Or because of him?

                                    

                                          
Rafe's POV
After my talk with Maddy last night, my head felt even more crowded. I missed her and I couldn't deny it anymore. But was it worth risking everything that I had built up with Sofia?
Sofia and I had been on a little morning adventure, as I showed her around Goat Island. The island was beautiful in daylight, I've got to admit but still, my stomach felt uneasy.
Would I tell Sofia about last night? 
"I'm wall-to-wall today, but I thought I'd at least clear my morning to show you Goat Island", I explained as the girl and I walked through a field right by the water.
"Also, there's something else I wanted to talk to you about. Listen I'm", I started, even though my thoughts about Sofia's and I's relationship had shifted drastically I still needed to apologize for yesterday, "Really, really sorry. About that bullshit on the beach yesterday. There's no excuse, you know, it's just like, Pogue this, Pogue that"
"Well, I am a Pogue, Rafe", Sofia explained. Something about her seemed off as well, it wasn't just me, but she was acting weird as well. 
"Yeah, I know. I know, I don't care. I'm not like Topper and them. You know?"
"I know"
"I mean, my dad started- my dad started off as a Pogue. It doesn't matter. And", I muttered, my heart immediately feeling heavy, thinking about my dad, "I wanna be like him. And I wanna build shit, and I wanna get this family back together. And uh, I'm gonna make up with my sister. When this goat island deal goes through with Hollis, I don't know. I was thinking, maybe like keep a piece for myself".
"Uh Rafe", Sofia stuttered. 
"What? You're not into it?", I asked confused.
"No, I am. I just- I - I don't think you should do this deal with Hollis", she explained making me feel quite uncomfortable. She was the one who told me to do this deal.
"What? I thought you were, all, like hot for it"
"Yeah, I know, I- I think it's too risky. I think you should wait, and maybe talk to Maddy or someone who should be in on this", the girl suggested making a scoff leave my lips. 
"What?"
"What?"
"Uh, I- Nothing I mean, I signed the wire transfer last night. It'll process this week. I'm all in with Hollis", I explained stopping for a second, "I talked to Maddy already about the deal"
"Oh, uhm when did you talk to Maddy about this?"
"Uh, uhm last night. After signing with Hollis", I explained. 
Fuck, I know I shouldn't have told her.
"You went to see Madison last night?", Sofia asked and I could tell by the way her voice raised slightly, that she was not too excited about these news. 
"Yeah, she was at the party I was at. And uhm we talked about it", I explained, trying to calm my heartbeat down. 
"Oh uhm okay"
"Hey, don't worry. She's my work partner, we have a company together. A company that I took some money from, she needs to know and we spend so many years together, she will forever be one of my people to go to whenever I need advice", I lied. This was not the reason I told her, the only reason was that I finally had something I could talk to her about. 
"Yeah, no it's fine", Sofia explained. 
"I know it's scary but it's gonna be good. We're gonna make so much money"