chapter 80

                                    

                                          

disclaimer: mentions of bruises, scars, pain, stalking, and throwing up
josephine lee 
"H-he's stalking me."
Jack stands in front of me, asking so many questions without muttering a single word. His eyes are full of pain at the idea of me having bottled up so many of my feelings that this confession came out the way that it did. Frantic. 
Like playing a game of hot potato. Here, just take it. There I said it. 
My chest is visibly puffing in and out from the panic attack I'm nearing. I can no longer see because of the tears filling my eyes but I know he's waiting for some answers. I try slowing down my breathing to explain to Jack what's been happening. "I can't, I can't, I can't. He'll ruin our life or hurt someone." I sob, thinking about the consequences.
I chant the words "Don't let them know I'm in pain." over and over again, hoping that it'll help me push out another lie but when I feel my dinner from tonight making its way up my throat I push open the bathroom door and puke until there's nothing left. Jack's hand rests on my back while the other tucks my hair behind my ears. 
"Jack, I can't. He's going to kill me." I cry into the porcelain bowl, speaking in the same way Brendan spoke to me the morning I left. He's scared of his supplier and the life he got himself into and I'm scared of him and what he got me into. Jack shakes his head unable to understand what I'm talking about.
"Nothing's gonna hurt you baby." He promises, flushing the toilet before helping me up to wash my mouth. His words ring in my head and how unfortunate is it that no one can keep me safe from the wrath of my ex-boyfriend and the effects of drug usage. "Look, I'll brush your teeth since you look like you might fall over and then we'll talk." he says, squeezing my chin before grabbing my toothbrush and paste for me. 
He pushes some paste out of its bottle and asks me to open my mouth while he gently brushes my teeth. He kisses my forehead in between a few brushes before asking me to spit so that he can continue. I do what he asks and open my mouth again waiting for him to pour some water into my mouth for me to swish around. 
After multiple swishes and brushing my tongue, he wipes the sides of my mouth before kissing me gently. I wrap my arms around him and start apologizing for what I'm about to tell him and what that means in the context of our relationship. The lying, the ignoring, the drinking, my figure, the puking, everything. He'll understand and I don't want him to. 
I haven't told a single person what's been going on, and I'm not ready to face the consequences of what telling someone will get me. "Okay, go ahead." He says, looking at me with furrowed brows oblivious to what I'm about to say. 
"It started a few days into my tour. At first, I didn't know it was Brendan until he pulled off his mask at a show." I say with shaking limbs, afraid of the words coming out of my mouth. Jack stops me, shaking his head like he doesn't understand and I get that. I don't understand either. "Brendan? Like your ex-boyfriend? He's stalking you?" he asks, looking furious. 
Listening to him say the words out loud makes me feel sick and if I hadn't just puked out the contents of my stomach I'd be vomiting into the toilet right now.  "He's everywhere, Jack. When I think I finally lost him there he is, a-a-and. Fuck! He's been hurting me and fuck Jack I can't, I can't." I let everything out with a sob. 
Jack's brows pull together at the mention of my ex-boyfriend hurting me. He scans my body looking for the proof on my body but I made sure nothing I wore would show anyone the scars on my body. I take multiple deep breaths before pulling my dress off to show him all the bruises and cuts left on my body. 
His jaw hardens as his eyes scan my bruised body which has been cut into multiple times by a man who I thought once loved me. His eyes flashed hurt and fury while letting a few tears flow out of his eyes. Jack doesn't say anything so I keep talking. "I don't know what to do Jack, he said he'd hurt you or the boys if I told anyone so I just stayed quiet. But it's killing me, I'm so fucking tired." I sob, just wanting to feel safe and protected. 
Jack pulls me into his body, letting me give out against him. He holds me up and hugs me while he whispers, "I'm going to fucking kill him." blowing out a deep and pained breath as tears flow against my shoulder. I pull back from the hug, shivering from the temperature in the bathroom.  "Jack, I'm really scared." I tell my boyfriend, dropping my head against his chest, accidentally looking at the scars on my thighs. 
He pulls my head up again after listening to the wince as it leaves my mouth. My boyfriend cradles my tear-stained face in his hands and wipes my tears, kissing my forehead before saying, "I'll take care of this, don't worry your sweet little head about this, I've got it now." He kisses my forehead again, rocking me slowly against him before I freak out again.
"No, you can't. You can't tell anyone. He's going to release our sex tape or he's going to fucking kill me. Shit. Shit. Shit." I say all at once, pulling away from Jack to pace the space we're in. I try walking out to put some clothes on so I don't have to look at my bare body any longer but get stopped on my way to grab the door knob.
"Wait? Sex tape? We've never?" He trails off, wondering what the hell I could be talking about and it hurts me that this part could directly affect him. He's in the video and you can tell. Before explaining how there's a tape I remind him of the uneasy feeling I had whenever I was at home right before I went on tour. 
He nods, remembering the way I used sex to forget how uneasy I constantly felt. "He set up multiple cameras around my house and yours and has multiple videos of us." I choke, feeling disgusted that I got him into this mess with me. Why couldn't I let someone else have him, someone simple? 
Jack nods in understanding his face visibly upset by the circumstances. "Let's get some clothes on you." he says, opening the door he closed once I started crying. He pulls out some spandex shorts I have on top of the stack of clothes in my suitcase and one of his massive t-shirts for me to wear. After stepping into my pajamas I grab some grey sweats and pull them up so I don't have to look at my legs anymore. 
Once I'm dressed he helps me up onto the counter in the bathroom again and helps me wash my face, ridding me of my tear-stained makeup. "Before you ask, I am not mad at you. None of this is your fault. I love you and I hate him which is why I can't stay quiet about the pain he's putting you through." Jack says, gently. 
"In the morning, I'm going to call my general manager and I'm going to take a leave of absence. You're not going to fight me on this, and instead, you're going to let me be there to make sure nothing else happens to you." he says, breaking my heart in the sweetest way. I take a deep breath through my nose while he washes his hands before carefully wiping the suds away. 
After my makeup is washed off he kisses my cheekbone, whispering that he missed my freckles before moisturing my face. I thank him for taking care of me, hugging him tightly as I hop off of the counter to get in bed beside Jack. He gets in on the right side while I sink into the left side. I hold his hand before turning over and backing up into him for him to hold me.
He slides his leg in between mine, his arm wraps itself over my chest, while his head rests right above mine. He almost cocoons me in safety so that everything that was plaguing me cannot get in and reach me while he's holding me.
I try sleeping but because of my ten-hour nap on my flight, I don't feel tired just yet. Instead of thinking about everything negative in this situation, I focus on the fact that Jack said he'd handle it and I trust him. I am scared of everything that could happen but all I know that will happen is that I'll be safe and I no longer have to lie. 
I hope we can figure this out soon. 
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a.n// HEY! I'm sorry for this short chapter but I didn't want to make the last chapter way longer than it needed to be. I hope you're all having a good day/ continue to have a good day since I'm most likely going to say this again in the next chapter haha!  I'm going to try to update some more now:)
I love you!
Stay safe, stay kind, and message me if you need anything!
Love Lottie💐💐💐