CHAPTER 11. INTOXICATED MIND

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"Phi... have you been drinking?"

"Funny, you almost sound like you care," Kim spat out those words. Funny, that Chay would care now when it was exactly the fact that he didn't care at all that brought Kim to drinking in the first place.

Chay bit his tongue. He almost said it. He almost said that he cared. But did Kim deserve to know that Chay still cared even though god knew how much he didn't want to? God, Chay didn't know what to do anymore. He was so confused. He felt like he didn't even know anymore where was right and where was left, or what was right and what was wrong. And he surely had no idea who to trust. What if he couldn't even trust himself anymore?

But whether he cared about Kim or not, this was serious. How could Kim train anyone when he was drunk? What if something would happen? Kim was responsible for all of them after all. Even for himself. Someone had to know. General Gin. General Gin should know.

"Phi... you can't be drinking. Something can happen. You—"

"Stop calling me phi!" Kim groaned. "It reminds me too much of the time when I still had you in my life."

Chay took a deep breath and said that word again, his hand reaching out for Kim's arm, "phi... whatever is going on between us doesn't stop me from worrying about your drinking. You know you shouldn't do that at work—"

"And whose fault is it that I'm like that?!" Kim snapped, pushing Chay's hand away from him and grabbing the door handle. "Put on some dry clothes, and I see you back at the training at 5!"

Chay stood frozen in place. He couldn't even do as much as trying to stop Kim from leaving like that.

When the door shut behind Kim, Chay was alone, but the echo of Kim's words was attacking him from every side.

'My Porchay.'

'You almost sound like you care.'

'Stop calling me phi! It reminds me too much of the time when I still had you in my life.'

'And whose fault is it that I'm like that?'

Chay turned towards a washbasin and a mirror hanging right above it. His reflection in the mirror looked exactly the way he felt. Awful. Shitty. Pathetic. Angry. Lost... It hadn't even been a full day since Chay had been here, and everything was already a complete mess. How the hell had he already managed to have two confrontations with Kim? And how the hell had both of them left him feeling like everything was his fault? Why was the part of him that loved Kim, the part of him Chay tried his best to erase all those months, why was that part of him suddenly trying to crawl itself out of its grave? And even worse—why was it being successful?

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