[52]

                                    

                                          
She held the little one in her arms, taking in how small and fragile her daughter was, all bundled up in a soft white blanket. She had named her Amara, meaning everlasting faith in her mother tongue. It had several other meanings in Latin and Greek, referring to beauty and love.
Her eyes were shut as she was peacefully asleep, but Calmia knew she had inherited her warm brown eyes. The clump of hair on her head was jet black, like Bruce's.
It was too soon to tell whether she had taken more after her mother or father in appearance, but as Jade had put it, little Amara was blessed to have good genes on both sides. 
"That's one gorgeous baby," she had remarked and the memory of it sent a smile on Calmia's face.
She had not yet gone home as the doctors were worried for her health and the baby's due to some unforeseen complications. But three days had passed in careful observation, and as both of them were alright so far, it was expected they would be discharged the following evening.
Calmia wanted to go home. She knew all of them were excited to have her back and must have arranged some sort of a welcome party. Her very big family had taken turns to visit her in those three days due to the hospital's strict policy of not having too many attendants. She had also talked to her mother and Aman on video call once she had gotten stable.
Aman had said he would book the next flight to Gotham and bring even more presents for his niece. Thus, Calmia had a lot to look forward to.
The door opened and she looked up to see Bruce enter.
He had stayed with her at the hospital for as long as he could, sacrificing patrol nights as well upon Richard's insistence. Deep down, Calmia felt after their honeymoon, it was the most time she had gotten to spend with her husband.
He was always so busy otherwise.
He came to stand beside her bed, his hand gently brushing through her soft brown curls then resting on her shoulder as he looked down at their daughter, peacefully asleep in her arms.
She looked up at him, her brown eyes meeting his gentle blue. She noticed that his gaze was soft and full of love and admiration. Seeing that fondness in his eyes sent a warmth coursing through her veins.
"I can't seem to accept just how tiny babies are," he remarked, taking a seat next to her. 
She laughed softly, watching him smooth out the creases in the white blanket, his finger gently touching the tiny hand that wrapped around it shortly after.
"And so responsive," he resumed. "You know, I have never really taken in a child this young..."
"Well, you're not taking in someone this time for a change," she replied. "You'll get to experience a lot of new things that you might not have earlier."
He nodded, "I never got the chance with Damian either. Talia brought him to me when he was thirteen. Before that, I didn't even know he existed."
"Oh..."
His thumb brushed over the delicate little hand holding onto him. The responsibility he felt at the moment was intense, the need to protect that young soul filling him up with the same sort of urgency that he felt toward his city.
Or perhaps, something even stronger than the need to uphold his mission of justice.
"Calmia, I wonder if I will ever make a good father," he voiced out the very deep, very vulnerable concern he had so far.
Her eyes flickered in surprise, "You are a good father already, Bruce. What makes you think that?"
"A lot of things," he looked at her again, suddenly feeling undeserving of her trusting gaze and her loving presence. 
Calmia tilted her head slightly, studying his face. She saw the weight he carried, the hesitation in his voice, and the way he avoided her gaze. "What are you thinking?" 
He took in a deep breath before deciding to share the thoughts in his mind. "I've made so many mistakes, Calmia. With the boys. With you. My whole life, I've been fighting, protecting this city, but sometimes I wonder if I've sacrificed too much. If for my mission, I've failed the people closest to me."
Her eyes softened in understanding, knowing Bruce still had a lot to grapple with as he tried to integrate himself in normal life. Living half of his life as a vigilante had affected him deeply even though he tried his best not to show it.
She reached out with her free hand, placing it gently over his. "You haven't failed us, Bruce. You've done the best you could with the hand you were dealt."
He let out the breath he was holding, "Still..."
"You were all alone when you took so many responsibilities. You tried to do everything you could at that time," she gently shifted Amara into his arms, watching him hesitate but then hold the young girl close. "But you're not alone now. You have us, all of us, standing with you. We don't want you to be perfect, Bruce. We just want you here, with us."
His lips were pressed tightly together but feeling the light weight of their child in his arms and Calmia's eyes gazing reassuringly at him, he let the tension release. He met his wife's soft brown eyes and leaned closer, brushing a tender kiss over her lips.
It was a rare moment for him to express how vulnerable he really felt but after sharing it with her, the burden over his chest lifted. All that remained was the fierce protectiveness he had in his heart for his family, including their newest member.
Little Amara stirred in his hold and her tiny eyes fluttered open. Deep brown irises looked up at Bruce and he allowed himself to accept the present moment rather than focus on the past and future.
He was holding his daughter in his arms, his wife was right beside him, and his family was safe. The present moment was the best he could have ever asked for.
He didn't want to ruin it by thinking about the future and letting his pessimistic side present him with numerous scenarios on how things could go wrong for them.
"Bruce," she said softly, drawing his attention back to her. "You're going to be a wonderful father. I have no doubt about that."
He didn't reply immediately, but the look in his eyes said everything she needed to know. For the first time in a long while, he allowed himself to believe her.
***