95

                                    

                                          
i think you might be
the prettiest boy i've ever seen
with your freckle spattered shoulders 
and skin as smooth as honey 
i can't decide whether i want to
crawl into you
and kiss all the constellations 
that i find in your psyche 
or pull you into me
and feel your warmth
nestled in my chest
you're always warm when i'm cold
cool when i'm hot
always the perfect puzzle piece
that fits so well with me
always the prettiest boy 
with the prettiest eyes 
that look at me so gently 
it's like being held by a look 
and god
i've written a million love poems 
i outdo even pothos with my longing 
but never has it ever been so 
real 
i don't think i've ever loved 
anything so 
real 
and that in itself feels wholly 
unreal 
i keep thinking i've fooled myself 
that once again i've made
a mountain out of dust 
but no
there's no mistaking it 
there's no excuses to make 
or demands to fulfill
you've left no room for it
you've filled this space 
with nothing but love 
and it's cliche and cringey 
but god i don't even care
i hope we nauseate everyone to death 
i hope we're so sickly sweet 
that we make people's teeth rot
maybe one day we'll kiss
and it'll start raining sugar 
and all the kids 
will try to catch it on their tongues 
honestly at this point 
i wouldn't even be surprised 
miracles follow you 
like ducklings behind their mother
no, actually—
miracles are you 
how else could you exist?
how else could you
leave me so irreversibly changed? 
if everything that has ever happened 
—every monster under my bed
every bleeding black eye
every wound ripped open 
again and again—
led to this very moment 
led to this very love 
then i am grateful for it all
regardless of the outcome 
i will still be grateful for it all
because god what a privilege it is
to exist in this space with you
to be pressed against your chest 
listening to you breathe 
to feel your heart beat 
thumping against my palm
to know you're entirely human 
and to love you even more for it
i love you even more for it
i love you even more 
and more still 
every second it grows greater
like a dam being burst
i love you even more 
and more 
and more
and even more still
i wonder if i could ever stop
but god 
i hope i never do 
i hope i never do
—my pretty boy