4

                                    

                                          
4 months later
                          
For the sake of my baby, I obeyed everything Jason said. Obeying him made him so happy that he was so nice and it was strange for me. I was four months pregnant and Jason hasn't laid a finger on me since the night I tried to escape. 
                          
Me being so far along in my pregnancy did change the way he thinks. At least I think so. 
                          
It was scary how nice he is, probably as scary as him being mad at me. 
                          
We still get in arguments and I know how tempted he gets to at least slap me across the face, but he doesn't. 
                          
Me being pregnant and all makes me so hormonal. I have actually asked Jason to have sex with me. It was always a spur of the moment kind of thing. I always regretted doing it afterwards though.
                          
A woman has needs when she's pregnant, but it's okay because Jason was always so happy to fulfill those needs.
                          
I was still locked in the same room, but Jason actually let me come out to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. To watch t.v and sometimes he made me sleep in his bed with me.
                          
He was loving my new body, I know it's strange but he's changed. For now at least. I never know when I can trust him.
                          
"So...when it's time are you going to take me to the doctor so I can see if I'm having a boy or a girl?" I asked Jason as I stood in the kitchen - him close by - eating grapes.
                          
"No," he said while popping a grape in his mouth, "because everybody is still looking for you and I can't risk the chance of the doctor or somebody noticing you. I can't lose you." 
                          
I want you to lose me.
                          
Yeah, he thinks he loves me. Truth be told, I don't even think he knows what love is. He confuses me.
                          
"You confuse me," I say as I study him.
                          
"How exactly," his little smirk starts to appear.
                          
"Don't get mad," I tried to assure him.
                          
He looks at me, his dominating side already showing, "then don't say something stupid," he spat. 
                          
It bugs me how bipolar he is. Scary too.
                          
I sighed, deciding not to say anything, "okay." 
                          
I was going to tell him that he doesn't love me and that he doesn't know what love is. Is that so wrong of me? He surely doesn't treat me like he loves me.
                          
"Come on. Time to get back to your room." He patted my butt.
                          
I started walking and Jason held me close to make sure I didn't try anything.
                          
He's so annoying. Every since the day I tried to escape he won't let me out of his sight. 
                          
I just need to gain his trust back so I can get away when my baby is born. There's no way in hell that I'm raising a baby with him. Let alone live with him and fall in love.
                          
I do have to admit, Jason can be very sweet. Sometimes at night when he's lying with me he'll tell me sweet things and it really does make me happy. But only because I'm hormonal and want someone to love me. Even if the love that they're giving is fake.
                          
And that only makes me hate him even more.
                          
Standing in the bathroom in front of the mirror I look at my body and sigh. Pregnancy really sucks, trust me. My stomach already has stretch marks and I'm not even that big since my body is small. 
                          
"What are you doing?" Jason asks while leaning against the door frame. 
                          
"Just lookin' at how much my body has changed."
                          
"A beautiful change." He reminds me.
                          
Staring at my body I try to consider his words then slowly shake my head, "no. An ugly change. I mean...look. I have stretch marks everywhere. How could this possibly be beautiful?" I look at him through the mirror. 
                          
"It's beautiful because you're carrying a human being inside of you. That's hard to do if you ask me."
                          
"Like you would know." I scoff
                          
"Point is, you're beautiful and I love you."
                          
If you loved me you wouldn't have beat me and forced sex on me.
                          
"I'm gonna...get in the shower now."
                          
"Can I join?" He asks hopefully.
                          
"Uhm, no." I look at him dumbfounded.
                          
"Too bad." He pulled his shirt over his head and slid his sweats down, "start the water." 
                          
I did as he said and pulled my shirt over my head, my pajama shorts and undergarments following suite.
                          
I stepped in the shower and stood under the water, letting it wash my worries away.
                          
Jason stood behind me and wrapped his arms around me; resting his hands on my stomach. 
                          
"Uhh...this is usually my time to be alone and think." I say awkwardly and step away from him.
                          
"To think? So what's your new escape plan?" He asked. He's not dumb.
                          
"I don't have one. I love you but I'm never alone so this is my time to be alone." 
                          
He nods but I can tell that he doesn't fully believe me. I sigh, "Jason I'm for real." 
                          
"Okay." He quickly walks out of the shower and puts a towel around his waist.
                          
Sorry but...what the hell? I can't stand him. It hurts to look at him knowing that he beat and raped me with pure joy. That's not love. I don't know what that is and I'm getting out of here as soon as I can. 
                          
I'm not ready to have a baby at nineteen but I'm pregnant and there's no going back. I already love this baby - my baby.
                          
This isn't Jason's baby - well it is but I don't like the idea of it being his - and when I get out of here I promise that he'll never be within one-hundred yards of my child. 
                          
That would be so wrong and rude of me to let my kid see this man. No, he's not a man. He's a child that needs help. He needs all the help he can get because this is just all so wrong.
                          
Washing my hair and body I get out and get dressed. I open the bathroom door and there he is, waiting for me to exit. He grabs my arm and yanks me to my blank room and lies me back on the bed. He grabs my arms again and ties them to the bed and walks out, locking the door. 
                          
This...is how it's always going to be. I'm never going to live normal as long as I'm with him. 
                          
He doesn't trust me and I don't think he ever will.
                          
A:N- this is just a quick chapter to show you how Emily feels about all of this. 
                          
All the love xoxo