05/11/24

                                    

                                          
Dear Kyra,
So you called today. And texted. And we talked, random stuff, laughed, you were drunk and sounded very British and kinda slurred a little tiny bit but it was nice... until I found some things out. Well first of all, you kinda mocked me about posting statuses about missing you and wanting to go back, saying I was whining and complaining. That hurts, and I won't stand for that. Please don't invalidate my feelings like that because I was really upset that day and it was hard for me to pick myself up again. So yeah today when you did that, it hurt.
And then you were talking about how I should get a girlfriend or a cat, date some other people or just live alone with some cats and friends. That to me shows that you really don't care if I were to just be alone forever, that you don't care if I end up alone. Before you would always tell me you'd always be there for me and I'll never have to be alone. So that damn hurt me.
What else uh... oh yeah when you sent that post and you knew I would see the last slide, you knew I'd take it as oh really she loves me? I mean as you can see in the last letter. You know me Kyra, and then you tell me that you meant to send a text telling me to ignore the last slide, but didn't? What exactly were you thinking here? You know that without that text, I'm gonna see "I love you" and get my hopes up. And yet you just decided not to send that text knowing fully well how I'd react to seeing it. That's just toying with my heart and mean if I'm being honest.
And then the big thing that just makes this all ten times worse for me is the fact that you've been dating this guy for a while. And you specifically left that out. You have been dating a guy, and you still didn't choose to tell me to ignore the "i love you", you're dating this guy and you call you ex when you're drunk. You called me when you're drunk. You called me after you got fired. Okay, please take care of yourself more, like in the nicest way possible I'm really not meaning this in a bad way I'm saying this because I love you, but you got fired, you're smoking and drinking and nearly got kicked out... can't you see what path you're going down? It's a bad bad path and you're not gonna stop yourself. You're gonna continue damaging your health and wasting money and kind of getting yourself into a mess, a negative mess and it hurts me to see. Kyra I care. I cannot just sit and watch you do this. I will never ever ever turn my back on you but to watch you do this to yourself hurts me so much because I care about you and want the best for you. And back to the thing with your boyfriend, does he know that you called me? Will you ever tell him oh I got drunk and called my ex also I sent her a post saying she's beautiful and amazing and i love her but i didn't mean the i love her part i meant to send a text saying to ignore it but i didn't". Baby if you love this guy and actually want a relationship with him, that doesn't look good. He's gonna be like well why the heck didn't you tell her to ignore it if you didn't mean it. And why are you calling your ex when you're drunk. It hurts more than anything that you're dating someone else aGaiN. It's ripping me apart. It's agonising. But if you like him and you want to date him because of that, I'm happy for you. But I don't really think you really care about who you date or whether you will date, I think you're just trying to fill a void or distract yourself from your problems. And it makes me sad to see that you're gonna have to learn these lessons the hard way. But I know that when that does happen, I will be here for you. No matter what.
Now take everything I've said, and screw it. You're human, you make mistakes, you're lost and broken and depressed and you've gone down a very dark path. It's not your fault. Invalidating my feelings, texting me and calling me while dating someone else and also while drunk, not telling me some crucial information and toying with my heart, that's all bad. But I know the real you, and when you weren't burying everything under this... this wall or barrier or whatever, you deeply cared. You're still in there, you're just protecting yourself behind a very tough, negative wall. And you're being influenced very badly. But it doesn't matter if I picked up on these bad things because I know you, the real you, I know how you treated me in love and even after before I pushed you too far. You treated me the way my mum described the one would treat me. You developed these walls to protect yourself whether you're aware of them or not. And once you've learnt the lessons you have to learn in this season, and you better yourself, and you decide oh crap I lost her, and maybe you reach out, I would take you back. I would. Of course I would, I love you. But you'll need to prove it to me now.