Carly

                                    

                                          
TW: running theme of eating disorder
(Reece's pov)
"It's okay my love. It's gonna be okay," I hear Marjorie comforting someone in her office, as I am stood outside. I decide to wait, to give them privacy.
"I just don't understand, what is wrong with me?" I hear a familiar voice question Marjorie, and I can't quite put my finger on it.
"Carly my love, nothing is wrong with you. You are perfect just the way you are. If this silly boy can't see that, then stay away from him, he is not the one," Marjorie says. Carly. I knew that voice was familiar. I can't help but feel my heart break a little, she is the closest thing I have to a daughter.
"Well, maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe it's my body," Carly says hurt, before she walks out the office.
"Carly," I call out, and she freezes, her eyes widening as she turns to look at me.
"R-Reece? How l-long were you there?"
"I heard the end of it, please listen to Marj," I say, walking closer to her.
"Mind your business Reece," she coldly replied.
"I'm sorry?"
"I said mind your business," she repeats.
"I'm trying to help, I don't want you falling back into bad old habits. You are worth more than your body," I say to her, hoping to get through.
"Yeah well what would you know? You don't even know the half of it. You're eating disorder doesn't affect the way women look at you, boys look at me like I'm a freak when they find out. Your eating disorder is stupid Reece," she yells, lashing out, before running down the hall, straight into the bathrooms.
I just stand there, taken aback, but also feeling like someone has carved out a massive hole in my gut.
"Handsome," Marjorie calls, and I look down to find her there, concern washed over her face.
"I heard it all. Come in," she says, holding out a hand for me.
"Piss off Marjorie," I say, smacking her hand away, and turning on my heel, walking out the nursery.
I didn't mean to, or even want to, it happened before I could even stop it. I long for her comfort right now, to tell me it's going to be okay, but instead, I put up the walls, and go cold again.
I sit in my car, hands on the steering wheel, just staring straight ahead. I bang my head a few times, screaming out in frustration.
I decide to go, I can't stay sat in the car park all day, Marjorie would come out, and I'm not ready for that conversation.
I drive to the one place I don't think anyone will find me, the park.
I get out, and start walking. Walking in a certain direction, going off the path. No one, not that I know of, knows this secret place. It's been my secret space, when I need to get away from life problems, or anything. I come down here.
I climb over a few fallen trees, and finally reach the spot. It has a beautiful flowing stream, the sunlight glistening against the water, with autumn coloured leaves covering almost every surface of the untouched grass.
I sit down, staring up at the blue sky you could just about see through the trees.
I take in a deep breath, my lungs filled with the cool autumn breeze, and the smell of fresh running water.
I lay back, letting calm presence around me set in, and my eyes slowly shut.
*
I'm awoken to the sound of footsteps crunching against the leaves.
I sit up, looking back to where the only entrance known to my secret place was, finding someone jumping through the trees.
"Marjie told me what happened. Thought I may find you down here," a familiar red head says, standing there, hands on hips.
"How did you know?" I question, I didn't think anyone knew about this place.
"Come one Reecey. You thought you could disappear here for hours on end as a kid, and no one follow you? I always knew of here, I just never said," Mia explains, coming to sit down next to me.
"I didn't realise," I mutter.
"I didn't want you to. So tell me what happened?" she asks.
"I thought you knew," I say, looking at her.
"I do, but I want you to tell me, in your words, not someone else's," she says, softly smiling at me.
"I overheard a conversation between Marj and Carls, about I assume a guy. And Carls said that there was something wrong with her, maybe her body. She then stepped out, and I tried to talk to her, saying I didn't want her to fall back into old habits, but she snapped back. She said that I didn't know the half of it, my eating disorder didn't affect the way people looked at me. That boys look at her like she's a freak when they find out, then she made a comment, and it shouldn't of hurt in the way it did, it was only a teenagers comment, but it hurt," I explain to Mia, and she nods along the whole time.
"Okay Reecey, what did she say?" Mia questions, placing a hand on my leg to comfort me.
"She said my eating disorder is stupid," I mumble, feeling silly.
"Oh honey," Mia says, "Would you like a hug?" she questions.
"I'm sorry but I don't want to," I say, and she nods.
"Of course, don't apologise," Mia replies, "Why do you think it affected you so much?" she asks.
"I think it's because it's just that everyone thinks that. Thinks that my eating disorder is stupid because I'm a man, so I can't have those things. But it's not, I can't have it, I do have it. I have those struggles, and I still battle them everyday. It is a constant struggle everyday not to relapse," I say to Mia, not meaning for it all to come out, but it felt good.
"Reecey?" I turn to look her in the eyes, "Please don't believe that. Your eating disorder isn't stupid. It is valid, and you know that," she says.
"I know," I mumble, "I mean I know, but I don't know."