Chapter 44 | Part 1

                                    

                                          
My heart is in my throat as I knock on Stanford's office door. What have my progenitors planned again? I must have made some really bad choices in a past life to be dealt such cards in life as a parent. But better me than someone else. 
Their possible tactics have been ringing in my head since T repeated their words. They "may have found evidence suggesting my innocence in one of the cases against me." Maybe because I'm freaking innocent and they made up the evidence?
There is always this part of me that... seeks their validation. When I learnt, the news, for a second, I thought they might have regained their sanity. The idea is easier to dismiss now.
Either this is a way to get me to listen to them on a completely different issue, or... they want to drag me and my - albeit small - name through lawsuits and courthouses once again, see me struggle to breathe during confrontations with victims. I've had enough of parents crying that I ruined their children's lives, describing horrible things until I questionned my own sanity.
Maybe I am insane. Maybe I really did do all those things and I don't remember, and they're right. I almost believed it once.
I don't put it past them to appeal the case just to see me go through it all again. To take me away from Tim now that I am okay.
They don't call themselves sadists, and they certainly look down on BDSM, but they are worse. They certainly enjoy the rush of power they get from watching people drown in despair, but it's always a one-way thing.
I still don't understand why they sent me here. To get me to submit to someone so that I'll finally submit to them - they've always been a quarter of an hour short of baking time. Then it means they didn't know T was here and he would be my dom.
I wouldn't be too surprised, considering how hard they try to get their way here, when other places have always been so corruptible.
Or they sent me here knowing T was here, hoping he would be my dom, thus with a goal in mind that eludes me.
I I can't stop thinking about everything since yesterday, analyzing every aspect of their behavior, in the hope that their plan would magically reveal itself. And I could also feel that T was a hair away from spanking me just to stop my overthinking. I think he would have, had my bottom not been bruised, but I still ended up - despite my protests - on my knees between his legs, with him holding my wrists because I kept nibbling at my fingers, and his thumb infuriatingly holding down my tongue. I... don't want to think about how it calmed my mind either... It's embarrassing I needed it.
Of course, I found it reasonable to blurt out, "We should talk about my family." I want to curse myself for coming up with the idea and digging my own painful grave. It's one of those 'fuck it' moments where I didn't give myself time to think because I know I would have backed out. Still, the thought of going through with it makes me want to throw up, jump off a cliff, or worse - join Tim in one of his awful running and cycling marathons.
This morning was, for lack of a better word, strange. Tim left for his meeting with the board early enough to leave a note on the table. 
I already hugged you goodbye, but given you called me baddy then Ginette – I'm taking notes, and offense –, I bet you won't remember it.
Have a great day, be a good girl – don't forget to eat –, and call me if you need anything – or even if you don't, you don't need a reason.
You have detention at 2 pm.
Brian might come by during the day, thus you might not want to leave this on the table.
The students' behavior has been especially strange. This morning has been nothing but hushed whispers and stunned looks in people's eyes but as Stanford will probably be the first person I'm going to talk to today, I don't know what this is all about.