Cone of Shame - Marco x Reader

                                    

                                          

He never reacts.
It drives you insane. He's a wonderful partner, and a great pirate, but that constant cool appearance. Those hooded eyes. The chill way he deals with everything and everyone, is immensely frustrating.
The fact that Marco can be railing the soul from you and still look so completely in control is getting to you. You love it, in your own way, but also you want to see him flustered just once.
Maybe twice.
You've tried flirting with him in front of the crew, but he turns it on you every time. You've tried slipping in lewd one-liners during semi-appropriate moments, and he just rolls with it. You've set up little surprises for him in what you do, are or aren't wearing, and while his appreciation is apparent, there's never anything more.
Now, here you are, watching him as he stands on the high deck, handing out orders and answering questions for the commanders for the day. Haruta's helping him pass things out, and there's minimal questions - no surprise, the boys have been doing this for years, everyone knows their role. The ritual is just habit at this point, and when everyone meanders away, Marco will stay there and enjoy his coffee.
He'll take in details about the weather, make some notes for the navigation folks that they probably won't need, but that will be appreciated. Navigation can never have too much data, but there are some who think Atmos controls the weather on the grandline, his predictions are just that accurate.
You decide to take a walk around the upper decks and cool your irritation before you greet Marco for the day. It's not his fault that you're struggling with what you're struggling with, and there's nothing he can do anyway. If you tell him it'll just put him on his guard, for starters, and if it doesn't then he'll be humoring you, and you aren't sure which would be worse.
Instead of cooling, however, you realize your irritation is just growing with each step. Just once, just once, just ONCE - you want to catch him off guard just once. Make his eyes go wide with shock, cause him to suck in a breath between clenched teeth, or even just see the blood flush into his face.
Just once.
By the time you come back around to the front of the deck you don't even care what causes the reaction. The only thing you want to avoid is anything that would truly harm him, or you. Even if he can heal anything you could do to him, it seemed wrong to risk life and limb for your frustrations. It was mischief that compelled you, not cruelty or anger.
Mischief.
He was leaning against the railing, looking out over the deck. Nothing about his appearance gave any indication that he'd noticed you coming up behind him. The coffee was safely on the rail. His shirt was crumpled up enough that there was nothing except those thin shorts covering that perfect ass of his.
If you bit him there, he'd at least jerk, right?
Stepping closer you imagine the look of surprise on his face, but even as you draw near you're certain it'll never work. He'll turn around, or say your name in some warning tone - his observation haki was strong enough that catching him off guard was nearly impossible. That's why you didn't want to talk about things - there'd be no satisfaction if he knew.
No mischief.
You were too close to be stopped now, even if he was aware. You grab his sides and bite down on the meat of his ass in one movement. Whether you managed to tickle him, or just startle him, he was sure to make some sort of sound.
Oh boy, and does he ever make "some sort of sound".
Marco makes the most undignified, impressively loud, and slightly avian, sound you have ever heard.