Desire Awakened

                                    

                                          

Catherine wandered through the noise-filled house, her heels clicking on the floorboards as the music's heady beat thrummed through her veins. She sent an occasional smile to one guest or another, raising the champagne flute clutched in her fingers in a silent toast.
Friends and family filled her home to capacity, all in attendance to celebrate her husband Sean's thirty-fifth birthday. She felt undeniably alone. Her eyes met with Sean's as he took part in a conversation with his cousin and father in the kitchen. He smiled at her in acknowledgement.
Catherine's heart plummeted. His smile held its usual tight edge, something she'd grown used to of late. It worried her, made her think unthinkable things about the husband she loved more than anything.
They'd drifted apart in recent times, relations between them strained. Catherine couldn't decide exactly what to do about that; she wondered if their marriage had begun an unstoppable downhill slide.
She drifted toward the glass doors, staring out into the star-filled night. A strong desire for solitude travelled through her. Clicking the lock, she dragged the sliding door open. With a quick glance over her shoulder, Catherine slipped outside into the darkness and eased the door closed behind her. She watched her step on the deck, careful to avoid her heels wedging in the gaps between the wood.
Her chest filled as she drew a deep breath. She let the air out in a sigh and leaned against the wall. Lifting the flute to her red-painted lips, Catherine took a long sip and rested her head on the bricks. She swallowed and closed her eyes, fighting the wave of despair washing over her.
Sean wouldn't talk about it, no matter how she approached the subject. He'd grown cold toward her in bed, had become distant during their waking hours. Oh, he was always polite, always treated her with respect, but there was an invisible barrier between them preventing any real closeness.
It hadn't always been this way. They'd shared some passion, Catherine thought - in the beginning. But even then it had felt strained, like he was holding back from her. She'd never been completely sure if that was normal, if all couples reacted that way to each other. Sean had been her first lover, her only lover. She had nothing to compare their relationship to.
Catherine opened her eyes and stared into the blackness, appreciating the alone time, a moment away from the festivities to pull herself together. It was all too much trying to perfect the facade of happiness, smiling when she really just wanted to cry.
Her heart thumped when the glow of a cigarette brightened the gloom. She strained her eyes and gasped. "Who's there?"
A deep, rasping chuckle sounded in the dark. It sent a thrill running through her. "Cat, it shouldn't be too difficult to work it out. I'm the only smoker left in this whole godforsaken family."
She rubbed a hand against her heart, blowing a relieved breath through her lips. "Jack."
"Uh, huh. Pull up a chair. Keep me company." The scrape of metal chair legs pierced the silence. "Tell me what's wrong."
Catherine picked her way through the darkness. She thought about leaning back inside to flick the light switch, but somehow the idea of anonymity appealed to her more. "What makes you think anything's wrong?" She set her glass on the table and settled into the chair beside Jack. Sean's brother, younger by two years.
"I'm not blind, Cat. You're upset."
His deep voice soothed her, his understanding reaching inside to tug on her injured heart. The smell of cigarette smoke wafted around her. She found the scent calming. "It's Sean."
"What's going on?"
Catherine sent him a look. Having grown accustomed to the night, she could now make out his relaxed features - always relaxed and affable - as he watched her in the dark. "We're having problems."