Chapter 1

                                    

                                          
     I flopped down on the bed, sighing as I lay back, staring at my ceiling. It still had those silly little stickers I put up ages ago. The little hearts and flowers just reminded me of when I had my mom, and didn't have to care about being too quiet in my room, or walking "too loudly" when I got home from my school. All things my dad loved to blow up at me about. I always knew it was gonna happen whenever I heard him yell my name at the top of his lungs. I'd walk downstairs, bracing myself, but it was never enough. Never enough to prepare me from the bruises. Never enough to prepare me for the man who I thought was supposed to love me unconditionally proving me wrong time and again.
   On the subject of love though, I had almost no experience. Never had a boyfriend, no one ever confessed any crushes to me, and I was so close to giving up and becoming an old dog lady, cause I'm not a cat person. Sure, there were guys I found hot, but they were all never gonna happen. There was a bunch of random guys in the hallways that I never talked to that I found hot, but the main two were Sodapop and Dally. Sodapop was maybe one of the most attractive guys I've ever seen, but obviously every other girl in Tulsa feels the same, so it was not gonna happen for me. And Dallas. Dallas was attractive, reckless, and a total player, so even if I did have a chance with him, it was not one I was gonna take. But I can always admire them. I hung out with them and the gang sometimes, and they were all nice, but they were definitely a lot. There aren't any other girls, so it's... interesting hanging out with them, to say the least. 
   The gang had a lot of characters. There was Darry, who was uptight a lot of the time, but I admired him. Honestly, I don't think I could ever be like Darry. He takes care of Sodapop and Ponyboy, and a lot of the time he takes care of the rest of the gang too. He works two jobs, and I can barely go to school. Even though he's always uptight, and doesn't show emotion a lot, I still believe that he's just a big teddy bear. He also gives the best hugs ever, they make you feel like you're safe, no matter where you are. Then, there was Two-bit. Two-bit was a jokester, but he actually cared. He was always fun to be around, and he would do whatever it takes to cheer you up, which is impressive. He thinks about other people before himself, but you can't really tell until you spend a lot of time with him. Then, Dallas. Dallas was obviously attractive, like I said earlier, but he was more than that. He could be a real jerk at times, and he really wasn't good at showing vulnerability, but I can tell he cares about people. Specifically Johnny, and sometimes Ponyboy, but the rest of the gang too. He was kinda scary at times, like when he was angry. Next, Steve. I like Steve, but he's kinda on and off for me. He's real fun and interesting when he's with Sodapop. But he's kinda... I don't know how to explain it, but he's just not deep. Like it feels like being funny and energetic is all he has going for him, and he wasn't about to start spouting his emotions, and he definitely wasn't gonna start talking feelings. And he was always around Sodapop. Soda is... perfect, basically. He was handsome, he was sweet, he cared, he was deep, interesting, and funny. I've never met anyone like him. He's the type of person you wanna be around, and he always makes you feel like he wants to be around you too. Some people will act annoyed, or not be as friendly or energetic all the time, but not Soda. He would always be the same. It was nice. You never have to worry about him or how he thinks of you or anything. Then there was Johnny, who is one of the best people I've ever met. He has parents like my dad, but I don't think he knows how similar they are. No one in the gang really does. Or anyone, for that matter. But back to Johnny. He's super sweet, and shy, but every once in a while he'll open up to me, and it's one of my favorite things in the world. It makes me feel like I'm a good friend, and that I'm doing something right for him. I always hope I am, cause he's not really younger than me, but he seems like he is, and he feels like my little brother, because I know exactly what he's going through, even if I don't tell him that. Lastly, there's Ponyboy. Pony's a sweet kid, he's a reader, and Darry gets on his case for not thinking a lot. But I think he thinks a lot. Just not about some of the stuff that Darry thinks is important. He reads a lot, and watches movies. Sometimes he'll let me tag along with him, and that's always fun. He's always so interested, it's impressive how much he can pay attention to. I'd get distracted after the first hour.