Chapter Eighty-Six.

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Putting my keys down on the side table in the hallway, I walked into the lounge. My stomach was tied up with knots of guilt as I saw Katy lying half-asleep on her play mat, cuddling Mr Bunny. As I carefully picked her up, her body flopped against my chest as she drifted off to sleep. “I love you,” I whispered, stroking her light, soft hair as I readjusted her to cradle her in my arms.

“Sammy,” a voice said behind me in a hushed tone.

“Yeah,” I said, turning around to see George leant against the door frame, looking at me.

“We need to talk.”

I already knew this was coming but I didn’t realise it would be as soon as I got home.

“Okay,” I nodded. “Let me put Katy in her cot and then we can talk.”

“Okay,” he said as he smiled a half-hearted smile at me.

Carrying Katy into her bedroom, I looked down at her beautiful face as she slept like an angel. Her tiny eyelids flickered as she dreamed, making me smile as I continued to look at her. Sitting down on the sofa beside her cot, I gently rocked her back and forth as a tear began to roll down my cheek. I wiped it away quickly.

“I love you so much,” I whispered to her, kissing her forehead.

It still felt unreal that she was even here. Six months after first meeting her and it felt like I was falling more in love with her as each day passed by. It still felt unreal that me and George had been able to make something so perfect like her.

“I’m never gonna let you be upset, ever. I love you too much to ever let anyone who’s gonna hurt you get close to you. I promise.”

*

“Is she okay?” George asked as I walked out of her bedroom and carefully shut the door behind me, making sure I didn’t make a sound that would wake her up.

“Yeah,” I nodded.

We stood in an awkward silence in the hallway – both of us were unsure on how to start the talk.

“George..”

Before I had chance to finish what I was about to say, George took hold of my arm and pulled me into the lounge, shutting the door behind me. “Sit down,” he said.

I sat down on the sofa without saying a word.

“I think we need to have a break from this,” George blurted out straight away.

I nodded.

“And by this, I mean..”

I interrupted him. “The relationship,” I smiled. “I know. I get it.”

“It really isn’t working out anymore. It seems like we’re..”

I interrupted him again. “It seems like we have to work at it more but it doesn’t feel the same as it did a few months ago?” I asked. George nodded. “I know.”

“I still want you here, Sammy,” he said, sitting down on the sofa next to me. “It’s just we both deserve to be happy..”

“And we’re obviously not happy together so we might as well find somebody else to be happy with rather than making each other unhappy and end up hating each other because of it.”

“You feel the same?” he asked.

I nodded.

“You deserve to be happy, Sammy and from what you said earlier, I know I’m not making you happy anymore. I suppose I never really realised how much you actually gave up for me and I suppose I did at points take you for granted. I never realised you felt that way though. I said some things earlier that I didn’t really mean and I shouldn’t have said them – I was out of order. Well, I suppose some of them are true,” George began. “For the last three years, you’ve hardly opened up to me about everything. I think the last time you actually opened up to me about something was one of the first nights at the Corinthia before the live shows on the X Factor and you opened up to me about your dad. There’s been odd times when you have told me stuff but I know there’s things you haven’t told me. At first I understood as I know you have to really trust someone to tell them, but now I don’t understand why you haven’t told me. We’ve got a baby together – a beautiful and perfect baby together. I just wanted you to open up to me and let me know how you were feeling.”

I wiped a tear away from my eye.

“I’ll ask mum if I can move back in with her for a while until I get somewhere sorted permanently,” I said.

George looked at me. “You don’t have to move out. This is your home too.”

“I’ll stop in Katy’s room,” I smiled, standing up and walking out of the lounge.

As soon as I got into the en-suite in the main bedroom, I burst into tears. I knew exactly what he meant but I couldn’t open up to him – I’d never really opened up to anyone properly before. I couldn’t tell him. Telling him would mean I’d have to relive things that I really didn’t want to relive. I wanted to tell him but I physically couldn’t bring myself to tell him. 

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