Chapter 96. ...Wanna

                                    

                                          
This is the second chapter that I sent today, if you haven't read the other one, go there instead. I apologize for the confusion.
I let my trembling hand down, tears falling off all the contours of my face like waterfalls. Streaming endlessly while frustration and Anxiety built up inside me like a ticking time bomb. If everyone is abandoning me, then I should just abandon them back right? Then they can't hurt me anymore, right?
But wouldn't that make me just as horrible of a person as they are? They aren't even horrible, they're so kind, they are the sweetest people I've ever met.. They treated me with kindness no one has ever done, with respect, and I actually felt loved, so incredibly loved, I felt so incredibly happy when I was with them. I felt like a person, like I was someone worthy of love, like I was actually someone. I just want to be someone, for anyone.
But I can't, because I'll be gone then, I won't be on this planet anymore and I can't come back.
What am I such a horrible person.. I should have at least let Azz know that I love him, and Clara that she's the best friend that anyone could have ever asked for, and that grandpa was the best.. well basically father I could have had, the best of the best, and Opera the best mother, even if it doesn't work like that, they all feel like my family. From the misfit class to the faraway people I've met here.
I love you all so very much.
With trembling hands I reached out to my phone,  first to Asmodeus. And with my grazen hands I continued typing till I felt like I couldn't anymore. I typed and typed out what I could, hoping that it maybe, at least would let him down easier.
It read;
"Hey Azz, before I begin saying anything here, you must know that I love you with all my heart and I forever will. We met on the second day I was in this beautiful world with you, the first day I had ever properly gone to school before. Since then I've gotten to know you so much better, together we did so many things, first we became friends, then bestfriends, then I realized you're one of my soulmates... and then, even my lover. You're so dear and so incredibly special to me, just keep remembering that. You are a light that made me stop remembering all the aweful things that happened to me in my past. You are like the sunshine casting rays on my face after ive been kept in the dark for my entire life. You are one of the most important people I've ever met in my life. Keep remembering our beautiful memories together, keep remembering all the good things and please don't dwell on the bad things. And remember, I truly love you, I truly do.
I love you so incredibly much, and im so incredibly sorry.. Goodbye Asmodeus. I love you. I love you."
I typed it out, crying more and more with every word I typed. I saved it to send later, when I would be going. I just want everyone to know just how much I love them before I go.
I then typed one for Clara. It read;
"Hey there Clara, before we begin, just know that I love you and you're been such a bright light in my life. From the beginning you've truly been a great friend. In the beginning we played together and I instantly thought "Hey, I think we are friends now!" and you thought so too. And im so incredibly glad to have met you.. But you've become much more than just a friend to me, you've become my best friend and my soulmate, someone I'll remember and hold dear for all my life, you're beautiful smile lights up my day every time I see it. Just know that I love you so incredibly much too, maybe not romantically, but that doesn't mean you're worth any less to me then anyone else. I love you.
So im sorry Clara, keep remembering all the good memories of us together. I love you, and goodbye. Im so sorry, so so sorry and I love you, I really do. Goodbye."