0.9~ truth hurts

                                    

                                          

TW: strong language, brief mental health issues, talk of military service, mention of death. 
Lyric inspired chapter:
'get on your hands & knees   pray for us'
Song• lone star 
Artist• the front bottoms
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Third person pov: firehouse 51, present.
Matthew and Kelly were acting strange, they knew that Stephanie was hiding something. They knew that she was hiding everything about herself from them from day one. So of course they would be acting weirdly. Steph had been back at work for a couple shifts now, Leslie and Gabby had gotten closer with her, that was just about all that had happened. 
Mills hadn't made Squad three which caused a lot of tension between Squad and Truck, it was like after Andy's death all over again— luckily not as badly between the two Lieutenants.
Leslie Shay would have been lying if she wasn't at least the smallest bit angry at how Stephanie was treating her relationship, she had two men physically pinning after her and she couldn't even be bothered to tell them about herself. She wished she could have a relationship like that, with a woman who loved and cared for her like no one else.

Arriving back at the station from a previous fire, Mouch's girlfriend stands with a brown bag of food in the front of the apparatus. The men from truck greet her fondly whilst Mouch attempts to stop them calling him his embarrassing nickname. On the other side of the floor, Shay and Dawson link arms with Halstead as they make their way into the kitchen to sit back and relax for however long before they would be called out again. 
Steph watches as Mouch and Mari make lunch for the house, she stares in awe at how happy they look. Dawson catches the twinkle in her eye and wonders if Matthew Casey will one day feel like that towards herself. No one had caught onto the Lieutenants' relationship with Halstead, they had roughly been officially together for around eight months. The hardship of their complicated relationship struck them all, somethings Steph wondered if any of it was even worth it. But the words of her deceased best friend stuck in her mind, 'this is the happiest I've ever seen you, Steph. Keep going, you've got this.'
Later on, Steph is sat on Squad's table out front, her and Severide are completing a table of sudoku whilst the other men chat between themselves. Boden is still nowhere to be seen, they hadn't seen him since the last call.
Steph giggles as she places another number into the grid, Kelly laughs with her as he scribbles it out shortly after. She was the only person allowed to sit at the allocated Squad three bench who wasn't in the team, she was their honorary member and none of them minded one bit. Peter Mills sometimes wondered why he would get shit for sitting there and she wouldn't, but eventually he would brush it off anyway. 
"You're actually so dyslexic." Kelly laughs, clapping his hands together.
"Shut up, I am not!" She shoves him playfully on the wheely chair as Chief Boden wanders past and gives the men and women at the table a brief talking to about what's happening with the firehouse.
"What do you mean we could be getting shut down?" Kelly starts, his face scrunched up as he tries to take on the Chief. Unfortunately, he knows that this will go nowhere as Boden is only passing on what came from higher commands.
Chief doesn't respond to Kelly's question, "The wellness program will start within the next few shifts." Everyone at the table groans minus Halstead, she had been on a diet similar to this when she was in the Rangers. It was aimed at the highest achievers and thought to push them higher due to even more excessive exercise and healthy eating, it didn't, but that's what higher commands thought.