Chapter Fifteen: Amber

                                    

                                          
Chapter Fifteen  
Amber
Today's the day. Hildegard and Zandar's wedding. I sit alone in my quiet room and stare at the wall. I'm all dressed and ready to go because we have to leave in 10 minutes if we want to make it in time. 
I'm one of her bridesmaids, but Hildegard wanted only Clio to get ready with her. The wedding will be extravagant. They've been planning it for years, every detail is perfected. No one has seen Hildegard's dress except for herself and her dressmaker. She wanted it to be a complete surprise. 
James is already in Tangu because he is Zandar's best man. 
Sofia comes up to my room, knocking on my door. She comes in without my response. "Amber? We should get going." 
"I know. Just two more minutes, I'm not ready," 
"You look ready to me."
 	"I mean I'm not emotionally ready. Desmond will be there."
 	"You used to see Desmond all the time."
 "This time is different. I always, never mind."
"What is it?" She asks as she sits next to me.
"I just always thought he was going to be my husband."
 	"Oh, Amber." I try not to cry. My makeup is too perfect. "You two already broke up. You knew it wasn't working out." 
"We broke up for stupid reasons! If I had just made a little more effort we'd still be together." 
"You don't know that. Besides, he's got a lot going on, with the falling of Mezbez and all, he might not even show." 
"Desmond would never miss Zandar's wedding. He's one of the groomsmen. James told me." I remember the way my heart fluttered when James had mentioned his name. 
"If you're that worried about it then just avoid him." 
"I'm not worried about seeing him, I want to see him. I'm worried about what I might do when I see him. What if I propose or something?" I'm being ridiculous, I know, but with all the weddings and romantic outings all my friends go on, I've been missing him more than ever. 
"You won't do that. You have too much self-respect." 
"Don't be so sure."
 "Oh, I'm sure. You're over him, remember? You've had like a hundred crushes since the breakup." 
"I guess you're right." I know she's not. 
 "Of course I'm right. Now let's go." She takes my hand and leads me to the carriage. We get inside and go to Tangu. Sofia isn't a bridesmaid, so when we get there she goes with our parents to their assigned seats. I go to the back of the church to meet Hildegard, Astrid, and Clio. She only wanted three bridesmaids - to keep it exclusive. The guest list, however, is extreme. They invited rulers from almost every kingdom. I look around and there is almost no bare spot in the venue. Chandeliers, candles, and flowers are everywhere. The music starts and I know it's time to begin. 
Someone pushes me to get paired up with someone to walk down the aisle and I don't look to see who. Before I know it, the doors open and we walk out. It isn't until we are halfway down the aisle that I see the person my arm is hooked onto is Desmond. Desmond.
I panic. My face drops quickly before I fix it. Sofia was wrong. I'm not over him. I'll never be over him. Why is he so hot? Why is he so tall? He towers over me. Thank god he isn't looking back at me. I can't handle his eyes on mine. 
We are thankfully at the end of the aisle, I need to get off of him as soon as possible. 5 more steps until I can let go. Four...three...two...one, I drop him and immediately miss the feeling of his sturdy arm and the comfort it provided. 
I'm not strong enough for this. I want to run back and kiss him on the spot. 
I won't though, because my sister was right about one thing, I have self-respect. The ceremony is beautiful, (I'm not paying attention at all). Instead, I'm thinking about my problems and mostly feeling sorry for myself. I don't realize I'm staring off into space until Clio shoves me. Oops. Guess I better pay attention now. I glance at the audience to see who else isn't paying attention. I see the rest of my family, who are all politely watching. Dammit. I see Vivian, who is vaguely staring at the altar. That's probably what I just looked like. 
I look at Zandar and Hildegard, who are lovingly staring at each other like nothing else exists. I look at Clio, who looks happy and sad at the same time. 
I look at James, who is staring at...Vivian. Shocker (it's not). If only she knew. He brings her up whenever possible and is always smiling in her presence. He looks at her like she's the best thing since cannons. 
I wish Desmond would look at me like that. 
What? No. I don't. We're done. What am I saying? Of course, I wish he would look at me like that. I wish anyone would look at me like that.