Chapter 16

                                    

                                          
His kiss shouldn't have felt so painful, feeling him close to her is not supposed to cause so many insecurities yet that's all she's able to feel. There's an immense sense of sadness sitting in the pit of heart that only makes her feel more confused than before. 
She always knew his presence was confusing; it made her think of the uncertainty of their future, and made her wonder if they were going down the correct path. But she couldn't push him away, not after he told her he'd die if she tried to separate him from their son. So Nathalie let him stay. She's let him be part of everything regarding their son, but now she's pondering on where they might've gone wrong. 
When Nathalie agreed to marry, she truly did it out of the kindness of her heart. She never hoped for anything and never expected they'd fall victims of each other's warmth. All she wanted to do was help him, she felt pity for a man who had lost it all, and her heart wrinkled to the fact that he could lose the last thing he had left of his family. 
So Nathalie helped him and then lost herself in him. 
She knew the moment their lips touched she'd never be the same. There was something about him that made her ignore his cruel words and only focus on his warm actions.
She thought she had gone insane, but then she fell in love with him and it all just made sense. The second her heart started beating for him, Nathalie understood that love was stronger than anything. 
But none of this eliminates the pain that she's felt. None of her love for him erases the fact that he abandoned her when she needed him the most. Gabriel let her go with a child that belonged to both of them, and that was the worst thing he did. 
Yet, she still loves him...
———
"How did I ever let you go?" He whispers into her hands. 
Nathalie can't help but shiver at his words as the tears abandon her eyes. 
"I'd do anything to wash away these tears...anything so that you could forgive me."
Her eyes meet his... does he truly mean what he says? She doesn't know and she's not brave enough to ask him. 
"I was a fool, Nathalie." His glare is so intense yet so sweet. It's a different look, one which reflects regret, but also ... Love? 
"I had you by my side for many months, but I wasn't decent enough to keep you. You've slipped away from me, and I think you've never been further than you are now."
"It wasn't meant to last, and we knew that since the very beginning." She finally speaks. "This arrangement was only for you to get your home back, we simply lost ourselves on the way. We lost ourselves in a world that was never meant to be."
"Don't say that, we have Alexander, and he was always meant to be..." Gabriel speaks with such sincerity, he simply can't imagine his world without their baby boy. 
"You truly think that?" Nathalie asks, slowly pulling away from his grasp. 
"Yes..." Gabriel responds, looking at her eyes filled with gloominess and sad memories. 
"Then why did you push me away, why did you let me leave when Alexander was always meant to be?" 
Gabriel takes a deep breath, he knew this question was soon to arrive, but he's finally ready, he wants her to know how regretful he feels. "Because I was an idiot, Nathalie. I was a coward who wasn't brave enough to respond to you the way you deserved. I was filled with anger and frustration and I could not see myself being any different, and I know that's no excuse for what I did to you but believe me when I say that I am so sorry that I wish you'd forgive me and I wish you could stay with me forever..."