18

                                    

                                          
"I know what I did in the locker room was... look, I was cornered.   I didn't know what to do. I panicked." Stiles blurted out.  
Are you fuckint kidding me?! 
That's what he had to say? 
"Seriously? Panicked? That's what you call that?! Telling the whole lacrosse team that we fucked.  You've got to be kidding me?!" I was more angry than I was before.  
"Keep your voice down." Stiles quickly said, as his eyes darted to the door.  
"What you shared was personal.  Not just for you, but for me! I wouldn't have done that to you! After the shit day that I had, that was the icing on the fucking cake!" I didn't lower my voice.  
I didn't care.  
I was so angry. 
"What, so you regret it? You regret being with me? You didn't enjoy it when we were in the back seat of my jeep, our bodies intertwined together, our souls connecting in the most intimate way possible?" Stiles seemed to speak with his chest now, as he argued back.  
'Our souls connecting.' 
That got me, right in the fucking chest.  
I don't know if it was the way he said it, but chills seemed to flow across my skin.  
"That's not what I'm saying at all! I'm upset because you told everyone!" I argued back.  
"Look, I know you're angry.  You have every right to be-" I cut him off. 
"Angry?! Angry doesn't even touch it! I have lost everything! I have nothing! And just when I think I have something- someone I can trust, it gets ripped from my hands." My violent voice ripped through the air.  
"I-I didn't mean to..." Stiles seemed to lower his voice now.  
He stumbled over his words.
"Everything I've ever had has been ripped from my hands! Everything I've ever known has claw marks on it!" My voice went raw. 
Oh shit.  
By the look on Stiles face, I had said too much.  
I had been too mean.  
Why am I like this? 
I took a step back, regretting the way I had just talked to him.  
Stiles looked so... hurt.  
"Please, just listen to me!" Stiles didn't argue this time... he begged, "Please.  I know I don't deserve it, but give me a chance.  Just listen to me for two minutes.  Even if it means you'll never talk to me or look at me again, I get it.  But please, just... you're all I've ever wanted. I can't keep going on like this. Like everything that ever happened between us was nothing. I know this is all a result of my actions, but please... please... please..." his voice shook. 
Tears filled his eyes and they began falling down his face slowly.  
"I'm sorry. Words can't even explain how sorry I am.  I did panic, okay.  But, I was excited.  Excited that I actually... and with you.  I really do care about you and I don't want you to think that I'm taking you for granted. Please give me another chance, I'll make it up to you." Stiles was trying to hold back his tears.  
His voice was filled with pure, raw emotion.  
His hands trembled, as he ran them over his head.  
I looked at him with a soft gaze.  
He looked right back at me.  
"Say something, anything.   Yell at me, call me every name under the sun.  Just say something." He spoke again.  
We were both so vulnerable, the moment held an almost intimacy to it.  
I didn't know what to say, I don't think there was words I could put together to describe the tension between us, as we stood there before one another.  
I rushed up to him, jumping up on him. 
Almost knocking him over, as I wrapped my arms around him tightly... hugging him.  
He quickly wrapped his arms around me tightly. 
Stiles seemed to embody me in his arms, as he rested his head against mine.  
That's what we needed, a damn hug.  
I felt it.  
Our souls connecting.  
Our souls intertwining.  
Our emotions resetting.  
The two of us stood there for a while, just holding each other.  
I buried my face in his chest, listening to his quickened heart beat beginning to slow down.  
I could feel mine slowing down too.  
I could feel the anger turning into calmness, as we held each other tightly.   
It was the intimacy of being understood.  
The intimacy of being forgiven.  
I slowly turned my head up to look at Stiles.  
He looked back down at me.  
His eyes filled with affection.  
They had a sort of warmth and tenderness too them. 
"You've got the most beautiful eyes." Stiles whispered to me, as his eyes bounced between mine.  
I could feel my cheeks instantly blush.  
"Stiles, can I ask you something?" I whispered back.  
"Yes, anything." He quickly responded.  
"Can you sit with me a while? I don't want to be alone." I said back softly.  
"Yes, of course." A sweet smile appeared on Stiles lips.