thirty seven.

                                    

                                          
December 2, 2016
Early morning, there's a message on my phone
I wake up to the sound of my phone buzzing on the nightstand, dragging me out of a dreamless sleep. At first, I'm tempted to ignore it. I'm exhausted, every muscle aching from the weight of my belly and the restless nights. The baby has been active all night, and it feels like I haven't slept at all. But the phone keeps vibrating, louder than usual in the stillness of the early morning.
With a groan, I reach for it and glance at the screen. Trey. My heart quickens. He never calls this early. I fumble to answer, pressing the phone to my ear.
"Trey?" I whisper, careful not to wake Harry beside me.
There's silence on the other end, but I hear his shaky breathing. Something is wrong. "Trey?" I ask again, sitting up in bed, now fully awake.
"S-Sienna..." His voice cracks, and a pit forms in my stomach. Trey never sounds like this. My eighteen-year-old brother is always the calm one, the one who keeps things light even when they aren't.
"What's going on?" I ask, my heart racing. I feel the baby shift, as if she senses my tension.
It's my brother saying, 'Sisi please come home'
There's a pause, and then he finally speaks, barely getting the words out. "It's Mom... it's worse than they've been letting on. She's going on hospice. They... they don't think she'll make it through Christmas. Dad just cancelled our flights to England."
I fear the worst. But how could you leave us all behind?
The room collapses in on itself. My lungs refuse to take in air, and for a second, I can't speak. "What?" I finally manage to choke out, my voice shaking. "No... no, that can't be right."
"They didn't want to tell you yet," Trey continues, his words coming in short, ragged bursts. "Mom and Dad... they didn't want to stress you out. You're so close to your due date... they didn't want you worrying or trying to come home."
I close my eyes, fighting the wave of nausea rolling through me. My head spins, my heart pounds in my ears. I'm nearly nine months pregnant, stuck in another country, and my mom—my mom, who has been fighting cancer for the better part of my life—is dying.
"They were going to keep it from me?" I whisper, my voice breaking. Tears spill down my cheeks, hot and fast.
Trey sniffles on the other end. "They thought it would be better for you, but I couldn't. I couldn't. You had to know, Sienna."
There's so much to say, but there's so little time.
"I—I don't even know what to say." My voice cracks again. "I can't get there, Trey. I can't—"
"I know," he says, sounding devastated. "I didn't know what to do... but I couldn't keep it from you. I'm sorry."
I swallow, trying to be strong for him. "No... thank you for telling me. I'm so sorry you're going through this alone."
We stay on the phone for a few more moments, Trey crying quietly while I try to offer some kind of comfort, though I can barely keep it together myself. When we finally hang up, my whole body feels numb. I stare at the ceiling, my hands trembling.
Without thinking, I dial Mitch's number. He should go. He needs to be there.
"Mitch," I say the moment he answers. "It's Mom. Trey just called me. She's... she's not going to make it."
There's a heavy pause on the other end. "Shit," Mitch mutters. "Okay. Okay, I'll get the next flight out. You—oh my god you can't fly."
"I can't get home," I cry, the dam breaking as sobs rack my chest. "I can't be with her. I can't..."