CHAPTER 44

                                    

                                          
"We all have a choice—to be monsters or men. It is not a matter of blood, but a condition of the heart."
—
The exchange of bullets seems to be non-stop. Chay finds everything to be unbearable. Chay feels like everything is too loud for him to hear. The pain was not only in his wounds, it came from every part of his body. He was tired. He was overwhelmed. Kim's warm hand tightly holding onto his shaking one was the only thing that could keep him grounded. They just ran and ran. He doesn't know if they are chasing after Boswell or running away from him, but the only thing Chay can think of is to trust Kim. 
Yet, then, Chay realized that he couldn't just keep running while Kim did all the shooting. Kim was protecting him, but who was protecting Kim? He needed to do something. Once they took cover, Chay said to Kim, "I need a gun." 
Kim, who peeked from their hiding, furrowed his eyebrows, "What?" he said, not really giving attention to Porchay. Boswell was so close to them. Kim was so close to killing him. 
"Kim, I need a gun!" he said again, getting Kim's attention this time. Kim had this confused and insane look on his face like he didn't believe what his boyfriend just said. "I need a gun, Kim. I need to cover for you. I can't just run and watch you do all the work. I have to do something and protect you. We need to do this together." Chay said determination etched on his face. He was still scared, he wouldn't deny that, but his fear wouldn't get them anywhere. He needs to face them this time and be the protector that Kim needs. 
Kim was silent for a while, processing his words before nodding in understanding. "I'll get you a gun. I'm almost out of bullets, anyway," he responded. "Stay here," he said to Porchay, kissing his forehead, then went out from hiding. 
Chay waited and silently prayed for Kim's safety. He doesn't know what their plans are. He runs with Kim wherever he pulls him into. It was raining bullets, but in some miraculous ways, they remained unscathed. Well, except for their existing injuries. Chay's bandages were already soaked in blood and they are really painful, but he has to endure it more now. 
Then, Kim beside him again made him smile. He hugged him tight, thanking the stars for making it safe. At this point when they're in the middle of danger, every second of their lives is precious, and seeing Kim still alive makes Chay alive as well. With a comforting mutter, Chay almost spoke to himself, "Okay... Okay... Kim's fine... You are fine..." 
Kim hugged him back, "Yes, sweetheart. I am okay. We both are. Don't worry, with me, you are safe." he replied. When they pulled away, Kim handed Porchay a gun. "Do you know how to use it?"
Chay took it and nodded, "Yes, but not precise. I'll just have to cover for you like what I did to P'Big. Load, point, and shoot just like what P'Big told me a while ago. We'll be fine." he said nervously. He needs to make himself stop from shaking. He keeps reminding himself that he doesn't have to kill anyone. Just cover and protect Kim. He is doing this for Kim. 
Kim was somehow confused about what Big had thought of Porchay for a short period of time, but what Porchay had said was pretty much what he needed to use a gun. "Yeah, okay. Cover for me. You can do that, I trust you." he said and quickly kissed him on the temple lovingly. 
Hand in hand, the young lovers started running again. It started raining bullets once again. They kept shooting at everything they could see; to Kim as long as it was a threat, he shot them; for Chay as long as it wasn't a human, it was fine. Kim did the killing, while Chay did the covering; both protecting each other. Chay won't admit it, but the force from the gun's recoil every time it shoots a bullet is very heavy on his arm. He was certain that he wouldn't get used to it.