58🌹silent longing

                                    

                                          
🎶Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies.  I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife, offer me that deathless death good God, let me give you my life🎶
                            ~Hozier~
DOVE 🕊 
I hadn’t seen Xavier since the morning, and for once, I was relieved. Leaving would’ve been harder if I’d run into him again. I wasn’t leaving for good, but that didn’t make the pull I felt toward him any weaker. Even after his devastating confession, I couldn’t go a day without him invading my thoughts.
As I made my way to the car park where Nana was already waiting, Tristan appeared. "Hey," he greeted, his voice casual. I waved in response.
"You alright?" he asked after a lingering glance.
"Yeah, why?" I replied, feigning confusion.
"Your eyes... they look a bit puffy. Have you been crying?"
"Oh... but I wasn’t," I murmured, hesitating. "I just... don’t know."
Tristan nodded, seemingly convinced by my half-hearted excuse. "You said you’d help me with my sculpting today. Are you still free?"
I gasped, suddenly remembering. "Tristan, I’m so sorry. I completely forgot. My grandmother’s already here to pick me up."
His expression shifted, surprised. "You’re leaving?"
I nodded apologetically. "Yeah, but if there’s still time, we can do it on Monday?"
"Yeah, sure," he replied, though his voice sounded a little distant. "I’ll see you Monday, then."
"Bye," I said softly, watching as he waved before I turned away.
When I reached the car, Nana was chatting with one of the staff members, but the moment I arrived, he hurried off. I couldn’t catch what they were talking about.
"Hey, honey." She pulled me into a warm hug, kissing both my cheeks, but let go far sooner than usual. Without a word, she rushed into the car, gesturing for me to follow.
"Is something wrong?" I asked as I settled into the passenger seat, feeling the strange tension in the air.
"Not really," she replied, her tone a little too quick, too dismissive.
Just then, my phone rang from inside my bag. The ringtone was different this time, unfamiliar. My heart skipped a beat as I realized it wasn’t the phone Nana had bought me... it was the one Xavier had given me. But how did the ringtone change?
"Pick that up," Nana urged, and I nodded, reaching into my bag. My fingers closed around the phone, the one that was ringing—and to my surprise, it was actually the one Nana had bought me.
But then I noticed a sticky note attached to the back. Scrawled in familiar handwriting were the words, 'you are welcome.' It was Xavier's.
I couldn’t help but smile as tears welled up in my eyes. I turned toward the window, hoping, just hoping to catch a glimpse of him. But he wasn’t there. He was probably busy—he always had so much going on.
The call disconnected. I hadn’t even realized I’d let it ring out, too distracted by the note Xavier had left.
"Did you let it ring? Are you still feeling unwell?" Nana's voice was laced with concern.
"No, I’m fine," I said, my voice tight as I fought back the tears.
Her gaze softened as she studied me, and she sighed, gently wiping the tears that escaped despite my efforts to hold them back. "Your eyes… it looks like you’ve been crying all night."
I couldn't believe how much I missed Xavier, even though I hadn't left yet.
"What happened?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
"I had a panic attack," I admitted.
She gasped quietly, her hand brushing my hair away from my face. "What brought it on?"
"Flashbacks of Dad," I lied, though part of it wasn’t entirely false.
"Oh no, sweetheart… how did you get through it?" she murmured, her brow furrowing in sympathy.