Sila

                                    

                                          

"Why are you still on that page? Nahihirapan ka pa rin bang mag-let go?" Chel asked, his voice soft yet probing as they both sorted donations at their charity event in Cebu. The buzz of volunteers surrounded them, but in that moment, it felt like only their conversation mattered.
Leni paused, her hands stilling over the pile of clothes. "There are some things that still matter," she began, eyes distant. "You hold onto the memories because sometimes that's all you have left. You can't go back... it's all in the past, but it lingers."
Chel studied her face. "When I spoke to Risa... she mentioned a time, maybe around 2016. She was chasing after you, head over heels. You weren't into her, but she still pushed herself, di ba?"
A small, sad smile tugged at Leni's lips. "Yeah, that's true. I rejected her... even though I had feelings for her."
"Bakit?"
Leni's gaze dropped, as if the weight of the years suddenly pressed on her shoulders. "At the time, the pain was still fresh for the kids after my husband died. They were barely holding on. Ayokong madagdagan yong sugat na kailangan nilang hilumin. I couldn't be selfish just because I was in love. My kids... they needed me. On top of it all, they were my priority."
Chel's brow furrowed. "Do you think what you did was right?"
"It was right at the time," Leni replied, though her voice held a quiet hesitation. "I didn't want to lose my children's trust. I couldn't let my vice presidency suffer either. What we had, Risa and I, it would've been a huge scandal, lalo na if we pursued it."
"Pero hindi ba unfair kay Risa? She didn't know na mutual pala, na all this time, you felt the same."
"Some things... some truths are better left unsaid," Leni whispered, almost as if she were convincing herself. "Telling her wouldn't have changed anything, only made it harder for her to move on. Kasi, alam niya all this time mutual pala. Masakit yun, Chel."
"Pero di mo naisip na... she may have let go easier because she thought it was one-sided. But you, you've carried these unsaid feelings."
Leni exhaled, her fingers clenching the fabric of a donated shirt. "I'm at peace seeing her happy now. Marie takes care of her, and that's enough for me."
For a moment, neither of them spoke. The weight of years, choices, and untold feelings hung between them. From 2016 to 2021, Risa kept chasing after Leni.
"Pero... last quarter of 2021... she started pulling away," Leni added, her voice tightening. "I didn't understand it at first. I thought maybe she was just busy. Then, I heard through friends... someone was courting her. An old friend. I won't lie, Chel, it was hard to swallow. But it's what I wanted—for her to be happy."
Chel sighed, shaking his head. 
Risa was always open about being gay, especially to her family. That's why her kids accepted her relationship with Marie. 
"But Leni, what about you? What about your happiness?" Chel asked
Leni met Chel's eyes, her expression unreadable. "Sometimes, happiness isn't about what we hold onto. It's about what we're willing to let go of."
----
"It's so good to finally meet you, Atty. Leni," Marie greeted, her voice steady but her eyes betraying a deeper emotion.
"Hi, Marie! How's life?" Leni replied with a warm smile, unaware of the weight in the conversation yet to come.
Marie exhaled, the heaviness of her thoughts evident. "Ito, ang hirap."
"Bakit?" Leni's smile faded, replaced by concern.
"Parang ikaw pa rin talaga ang mahal ni Risa," Marie began, her voice soft but firm. "No one, not even me, seems to measure up to the love she has for you. Even after all these years, even with me in her life... it's still you."
"Marie... baka naman nagseselos ka lang," Leni said gently. "Risa and I haven't talked about anything like that for years."
"Maybe," Marie admitted, her eyes clouding over. "But when we first started dating, every time we'd meet, it was like you were still part of the conversation. You were always the topic. I let it go, kahit na masakit. I thought it would pass. But the transition surprised me... one day, she just stopped talking about you altogether. After we reached our first year together, it was like you were erased from her words, but not from her heart. Pag natutulog siya, when she dreams... ikaw pa rin ang bukambibig niya. Leni, sobra ka niyang mahal. Her love for you... it's too genuine, too deep. Walang makakapantay."
Leni swallowed, the weight of Marie's words pressing on her. "Marie... I'm so sorry. Maybe... maybe I should talk to her."
Marie shook her head, a sad smile tugging at her lips. "Leni, I think it's time I let her go. The truth is, she was never really mine. She's been yours all along. From the very beginning."
"Marie, don't say that." Leni's voice wavered, a mix of guilt and reluctance filling her chest.
"Leni," Marie's voice cracked slightly, but she held Leni's gaze. "I know you love her too. No matter how much you try to deny it, I've seen it. I know it was mutual. You've kept her at a distance, maybe for good reasons, but I want her to be genuinely happy. And I know she will be—if it's with you. You can't force the heart to forget, and I don't think hers ever will."
For a moment, they stood there, the silence between them heavy with shared grief and understanding.
----
Leni knocked softly on Risa's door, the quiet of the night enveloping the space between them. When Risa opened it, her eyes were red, clearly from crying, but she managed a small, weary smile.
"Kumusta ka na?" Leni asked gently, stepping inside.
"Surviving," Risa replied, her voice hoarse. "Pero ang sakit, Lens."
Leni sat down beside her on the couch, offering silent comfort. "Alam ko. I'm sorry you had to go through this."
Risa took a shaky breath. "I thought... I thought Marie and I would last."
Leni looked down, her heart heavy. "Risa, you loved her. I know you did."
"Oo, mahal ko siya. Pero iba... iba kasi pag ikaw," Risa admitted, her voice cracking. "Walang kahit sino pa na naging katulad mo sa buhay ko, Leni. Even when I tried to move on... nandito ka pa rin. Lagi kang nandito sa puso ko."
"Risa... you know why I had to keep my distance," Leni said softly. "I didn't want to hurt you, not again."
"Pero Lens, hindi mo ba naisip? You've always been part of me. Kahit pilitin kong kalimutan, hindi ko magawa," Risa replied, wiping at her eyes. "Marie deserved all of me, pero hindi ko naibigay, kasi ang natira ay yong parte na ikaw lang ang may hawak."
Leni took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Risa. Hindi ko ginusto na mangyari ito."
Risa's gaze softened, but there was still pain in her eyes. "Hindi ko rin ginusto, Leni. Pero hanggang ngayon... mahal pa rin kita. It never really went away."
Leni's hands trembled slightly as she looked at Risa. "Risa, I'm here for you. Always. Pero hindi ako sigurado na kaya kong bumalik sa dati."
Risa gave a sad smile. "Hindi ko naman hinihingi na bumalik tayo sa dati. I just want to be honest—for once."
"Risa..." Leni's voice wavered. 
"Hindi ko gustong pilitin ang puso mo. Gusto ko lang malaman mo... na kahit anong mangyari, mahal kita." Risa whispered, nodding slowly. 
There was a long, heavy pause between them.
"Don't worry about me, or even us, Risa. Focus on healing yourself first. I'm here, and maybe... I can wait for you. But let's not rush things; you deserve time to mend."
"But what if I lose you, Lens? What if someone else comes into your life? Please, let me stay in the front line. Ayoko ng may kaagaw." Risa pleaded
The two sat there in silence, the unsaid words hanging between them, but for the first time in a long while, there was also peace.
Walang sagot sa tanong
Kung bakit ka mahalaga
Walang papantay sa'yo
Maging sino man sila
A/N: This one-shot is dedicated to hirayaluan!