By @Chococh4nni3
Jeonglix
if jealousy was a disease, then jeongin was terminal. it had seeped into his bones, his lungs, his blood. it had consumed every single part of him.
he studied his smile, the cute little eye wrinkles he got afterwards. his doe eyes that were so bright.
he studied his lips, the lips everyone was always complementing. but that was nothing compared to his georgious brown freckles.
everything about him was perfect.
although, it wasn't just the outside that
made everyone love him. it was his personality too. anyone could be pretty, but he was even pretty on the inside. something jeongin could never be.
he wished to see his younger self, even for a little bit. but it was times like these jeongin wondered if he was ever good. maybe he was just oblivious. oblivious to all his imperfections.
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he knew that he shouldn't have been upset. but in all honesty, he wasn't mad at felix. he was mad because he could never be him.
it was the the one next to him that had him so mushed in the head. the one with the slightly curly dark locks, the black hoodie, and the pretty laugh.
jeongin almost started to cry right there in the cafeteria thinking about him. he wondered why he always fell for people out of his league. he wanted to be cute, small and innocent too. but he couldn't, that just wasn't him.
his facade only lasted so long. it would always deteriorate and that was never pretty. he was never pretty. just, messy.
which is why when 'pretty' walked up to his table, he was more then surprised. jeongin had used his sleeves to wipe his eyes as he was caught off guard by his name being called.
there standing next to him was a red eared felix, fiddling with his hands nervously. "felix?", jeongin glanced up in confusion while sliding on his glasses.
he watched the australian gave a worried glance back to his table. so out of curiosity, he followed his gaze and was met with chan, smiling brightly with two thumbs up. jeongin was beyond confused at this point.
well, until he suddenly heard what felix had said what he came over for. "what did you say?", the only thing playing in jeongins head was static. there was no way he had had heard him correctly. it was impossible.
but when felix said the words a second time, jeongin found out that he was most definitely not mistaken. lee felix, had just asked jeongin out?
was this some sort of joke? jeongin didn't even really talk to felix. but after putting two and two together, he remembered chans encouraging look, and felix's nervous one.
aggravation quickly overtook jeongins mind, tears filling up. "a-are you joking?". this definitely was not how felix had planned on this going. "no..", the brunette replied with a slight frown.
jeongin scoffed, "what- what is wrong with you..? i really don't understand". how could someone who had it all, be that idiotic. that's what jeongin thought as he wiped his eyes.
felix was starting to feel worse and worse by the second. he really didn't mean to make the other upset. in fact that was the last thing he wanted.
"how can you not see what's right in front of you!? you're perfect and you can't see him?", jeongin pointed to chan who was currently focused on his phone.
he almost took it as in insult that felix was even interested in him. he liked chan for a very long time now and he could see the way he acted around felix.
how could he be so oblivious. "i don't understand inni-". "how could you not? i bet this is funny for you. you know what, that's wrong. you wouldn't even think like that because you're the literal walking sun i forgot".
at this point, felixs eyes had started to water, he didn't like getting yelled at and especially not from his crush. jeongin had noticed though, and a wave of guilt surged right through him after.
"im sorry if you can't see that your bestie over there is probably holding back his tears". throughout the years, jeongin had grown to recognize the australians facial expressions and what they meant.
whether he was uncomfortable, lying, putting someone before himself even if he was hurting, he knew it all. he was probably hurting just as much as jeongin at this point.
"you don't wanna like me felix. but him, i don't know how you could give that up". jeongin sighed, he was beyond angry. he put up with watching someone he was in love with, be in love with someone else only for both of them to get heartbroken in the end.
he didn't know what else to say anymore. he almost felt like he'd stole candy from a kid. he just made someone cry simply for having feelings for him.
but he couldn't do that to chan. he wouldn't hurt him more. and deep down, jeongin struggled to believe felix's words. why would someone as even look at him like that. "i'm sorry felix, but i can't hurt him like that. and i'd rather not add you to the list of damaged either".
