13- TEARS

                                    

                                          
Today the death eater meeting was canceled. And Matteo is taking me out to Hogsmade. He holds my hand as we walk there through the thick snow. 
Other kids walk with their friends as well to Hogsmade. A few kids look at us and take a few glances our way. 
We finally make and he takes me into a cute little cafe, dragon's breath. "Table for 2 please." He asks the waiter and she directs us to a table far away from others. 
This is our first date and our first time really being alone together in the open. We both look through the menu. "I think I'm gonna get a cherry chocolate and Cheesy fries." I say and look over to him. "Me too." We tell the waiter what we would like and then she leaves. 
"I'm so glad the meeting got canceled. Do you think he'll give up and end the plan?" I ask Matteo. "No he'll still try. He's so powerful and he has a massive following he'll survive." He looks and me with a sorry look. "Ok enough about that. Let's talk about something different." I say as our drink arrive. 
I take a sip and moan with delight. "Mmm this is the best milkshake ever!" I say laughing at his expression. "I'm only aloud to hear the come out of your mouth." He grins and takes a sip of his. "But your right this is so good." 
My attention moves to a group of 3 coming through the door. Harry, Ron and Hermione. They take a seat not to far from us. "Seriously what are they doing?" Matteo says annoyed. He hates Harry. "Just ignore them." I take another sip and look away out the window. 
Finally our chips come and we eat, and talk and laugh. God I love his smile. And his laugh. Once we're done he pays and we go to leave. As we leave I catch the 3 watch us walk out and I make eye contact with Harry. I start to sweat and worry that he knows what we're doing. 
***
Later that night I lay with Matteo. "That was so good." I say and kiss him. I put my shirt on and rest my head on his chest. "Do you think Harry knows?" I ask thinking about the way he looked at me today. "No surely he doesn't. Why?" "I don't know it's just I feel he suspects something?" "Don't worry it'll be fine. We'll just get this fight over with when it happens and it'll be all over with." I sit up starting to stress again about having to fight. "I'm really scared. I don't want to have to kill someone. Or what if I get killed?" He pulls me back down and hugs me. "It's ok Y/n you have me and I'll protect you, I always will." He kisses me on the forehead and I stay in his arms till we both fall asleep. 
***
"He wants me to kill Dumbledore. Now I know why he wanted me, to use me to kill him for him." Draco says sadly. He sits with me down at the lake. It's a Sunday, classes again tomorrow. Pansy doesn't know but Draco and I have been talking a lot lately. I still hate what he did and I don't forgive him. But I understand how he feels and it's nice to have someone else to talk to that knows what I'm going through. And I'm that person for him. "Oh Merlin, that's horrible. I'm so sorry, I really am. I hate him so much for putting us all through this shit." I throw a pebble in the water and watch the ripples grow. 
"I don't want to kill him. I don't want to be a killer." I look over at him and I see he's trying not to cry. I put my hand on his shoulder. "Cry, just let it out, no one's here to see." And he does, he cries. His tears fall down his face and I sit there with him silently. 
A few minutes pass and he drys his eyes. "Thank you for being here to talk with." He looks across at the lake. "It's ok, and I know you and Matteo don't really like each other that much, but you can speak to him too if you ever need. He's going through this too." He nods his head and we both sit there in the sun watching the swans in the lake. 
***
"I saw you and Draco down by the lake and your hand on his shoulder." Pansy confronts me as we get ready for dinner. "He was upset and I was trying to help him." "Do you remember what he did to me Y/n?" I nod my head, "yes I do Pansy, but I was just helping him, he's going through tough stuff at the moment and I understand him." I shouldn't have said that. "You understand? What you guys are besties now telling each other your deep dark secrets?" She looks at me mad and I get up from my chair. "You won't understand Pansy." I grab my jacket of the chair and leave the room to head down the great hall. 
She won't understand. I wish I could tell her the truth. I hate these lies. 
***
I lay there in my bed waiting for Pansy to come back but she doesn't. I don't know where she is and who's room she's staying at for the night. She's still mad at me from before. She didn't sit with me or talk to me and dinner, the boys expected something was wrong.
Suddenly I hear a loud gush and a bright light apear in the room. I quickly get up and grab my wand pointing at the shadow that now stands in the corner of the room. They turn the light switch on and I see it's just my mother. "What the hell you scared me!" I shout and I go over to the door and lock it incase Pansy does come back. 
"I came to see you and tell you the good news!" She pulls me into a hug and then let's me go. "Is Voldermort strong again? Will the plan go on?" I ask really hoping I'm wrong. "No he's still too weak. But it's something else." I stare at her waiting for her to tell me she sits me down on my bed and joins me. Her hands in mine. A big smile crosses her face, "Voldermort thinks it's time you become an official death eater!" She screams with excitement and pulls me into another hug. My stomach and heart drop to the bottom of my stomach. I feel sick like I'm gonna pass out. But I put a smile on my face.
"Oh that's so good mother!" "I know he wants to turn you himself and soon." My mother looks so happy for me. I feel mad at her for putting me through this. No parent should be proud of their child for finally behind apart of this deathly following. "When. When does he want me?" I say slowly. "Tomorrow night he wants you to come alone." "Will you be there I don't want to be alone." I ask suddenly very scared. "Yes I'll be there. Of course I will." 
She hugs me again and writes a note and gives it to me. "It's the time so you don't forget. You don't want to be late!" I open the note to see the time '12:30'. "I've gotta go now before someone finds me. I'll see you tomorrow. God I'm so happy!" She shouts as she vanishes like she was never even here. Like she never told me the horrible news that I have to live with for the rest of my life. 
I cry. So loud it hurts. And I shout at no one. I knew one day it would happen but nothing prepares you when the time comes. I leave the room in tears to find Matteo. I knock he opens. His face drops and he pulls me into a hug. "Did someone hurt you? What happened tell me right now Y/n" He pulls me out of the hug so he's looking at me. "My. My mother came, she told me tomorrow Voldermort. He's gonna make me a death eater!" I cry out. "I don't want to do it!"
He holds me tightly. I drop to the ground and he falls with my still holding onto me. I cry and cry into his arms. I look up at him and he wipes away my tears. "I'm so sorry this has to happen to you, if I could I would change it but I can't." He wipes the rest of my tears and kisses my forehead. 
"Does it hurt?" I glide my hand along his arm that revels the tattoo. "Only for a little bit." "Did you feel any different after?" I ask him. "Not that I remember. I just felt ashamed." I kiss his arm with the tattoo and then kiss his cheek. "Thank you for being here." We sit silently in each other arms, I cry a little more and he comforts me. 
Eventually he moves me to his bed and we fall asleep together.