8

                                    

                                          
tyler is with shawn again. they're lying in shawn's bed with a box of pizza between them and a movie on the tv in front of them that neither of them are paying attention to.
"so the album is coming out in a couple weeks, right? how are you feeling?"
tyler shrugs, feeling strange at the cross between his lifestyles. "i don't know. i'm kind of nervous, i guess. i think the fans that get it will get it, you know? there's a couple singles with radio potential, but this one is mostly for the fans. i think that's how it should be."
"i bet it'll be awesome," shawn reassures, his hand coming to find tyler's.
"well, i've actually been meaning to talk to you about that. after the album is out, you know, we'll be going on tour." tyler feels the air shift as soon as the words leave his mouth. he wants to shove them back in, to go back in time and never tell shawn about twenty one pilots at all.
he could have gone on tour and simply ghosted. would it have hurt? yes. would he feel like a bad person? also yes. but he wouldn't be lying in someone's bed, holding hands and sharing socks. it's too intimate, too close. he let himself get too comfortable and everything is going to end the same as it always does: with tyler alone.
"for how long?"
tyler hesitates.
"i'll be home for christmas."
"and after that?"
"i'll be gone most of next year, shawn. until next december."
"wow. so... you'll be gone for... over a year?"
tyler feels the tension between them, feels it suffocate him. he knows shawn and his ex broke up because long distance didn't work. they had years of history on their side. shawn has only known tyler a few months.
tyler knows what this means. he wishes he didn't, that he was oblivious. he wishes he could let himself have one good thing, one piece of a normal life. 
"i'm taking a break when we get back. a long one. probably a couple years," tyler tries to do damage control, to make up for the collateral left after the bomb he's dropped. he feels himself start to panic. he doesn't want to let go yet. he can't. he needs this. he needs something. he can't do it alone anymore.
tyler continues, "look, shawn, this is the best thing i've had going for me in a long time. i know you don't understand, but if you could try to. i know i'm asking a lot, i know it's selfish. but please, don't end this. i-i can fly you out. you can come to a few shows, stay with me in a hotel when we have a night off. i can-"
"are you trying to bribe me, joseph?" shawn looks at tyler, his face completely calm, just as it always is. he's got a soft tone in his voice still and tyler wonders if he's ever yelled in his life.
"yes. no. if that's what it takes." he takes a breath and squeezes shawn's hand gently in his own. "i just don't want to lose this yet."
the corners of shawn's lips tilt up in an almost smile. "we can try."
-
"so, the vulture's name is clifford?"
"yeah."
"is there a reason?"
"no."
tyler's spent the past two hours trying to explain the lore of twenty one pilots to shawn. shawn, to his credit, has been following along for the most part, asking questions here and there. whether or not he'll remember it all or if he actually cares are different questions, but tyler doesn't really mind. he's had to explain everything several times. to josh, paul, to his family, to the label.