Chapter 23

                                    

                                          
I felt nothing. My shock had nothing to do with Cullen, but with my own lack of emotion. He walked over to me with a puzzled look on his face.
                          
"Did you hear what I just said? He's awake!" I still sat there.
                          
"What do you expect? For me to go running to him with open arms? I got sick of being hurt all the time, so I shut it off." He still didn't understand what I was hinting at.
                          
"What do you-" he cut himself off as he looked at the book on the table in front of me. He picked it up and read it faster than I've ever seen anyone read before.
                          
"No..please no, don't tell me you did this." My face was plain. 
                          
"I did." And with that I got up and walked out. I heard him slam the book on the desk and kick something, but I didn't care. I walked to the infirmary out of curiosity, but nothing more. Cullen's hungry gaze eased when he saw me. His eyes got glassy as I walked over to his bed.
                          
"Alena, I'm so sorry. I couldn't stop myself from talking. The things I said to you were awful, please forgive me." He grabbed my hand, which hung limply.
                          
"You don't have to worry," I spoke completely void of emotion, "I don't care anymore." He gave me a weak smile, not sure what that meant. 
                          
"You seem different, are you ok?" I finally had to pull my hand away, annoyed with how his fingers were groping mine.
                          
"That's because I am different, Cullen. You hurt me so much, I just couldn't fucking deal with it anymore. But please, don't worry, I'm much better now. Who knew all I had to do was flip a switch! THAT was real magic. It vanished completely; the pain, the anger, the hurt, the hopelessness. Poof, all gone!" 
                          
"Wha-What did you do?" He looked at me painfully, feeling guilty for all of it. Alfio rushed into the room and answered his question for him.
                          
"She turned it off, her emotions I mean. She flipped her inner switch. I didn't know you could actually do that, but I guess she did." Cullen looked back and forth between Alfio and I, unsure of what to say.
                          
"You boys are so pathetic. You both love me, yet, neither of you can have me." I laughed as I walked out the door, and returned to my room. It was pretty late, so I just went to bed.
                          
I am in a dark room again. There is a man made of red fire to my right, and a man made of blue fire to my left. There is a whistle in my hand. I raise it to my mouth and blow, signaling for the fight to begin. The red man gets in a few good punches, but the blue man swings a pretty hard hook into the red mans jaw. The red man is stunned, and has to take a step back. I do not have a preference as to who wins, so I do not cheer. The red man falls to the ground as the blue man puts him in a headlock.
                          
I awake the next day feeling energized. I put some makeup on, get dressed, and walk down to breakfast. Nobody really looked at me, and that made me feel even better. I ate my food alone. I really didn't mind being alone. I didn't have to talk and pretend to feel emotion I no longer had. I was on my way back to my room when Cullen stopped me.
                          
"Alena, c-can I talk to you?" I had nothing better to do, so I allowed him to speak. "I just want to apologize, for everything. I shouldn't have been mad at you for trying to drown yourself, you did it to save us. I shouldn't have tried to stop you from going to that lake. I should've fought harder, to stop Ravyn. It's my fault you did this to yourself, and I just can't say it enough. I'm so so sorry Alena. Please, turn it back on!" He grabbed my shoulders, locking me in place. "You're strong, so much stronger than any of us. I know you can beat it, you can beat anything you set your mind to. Come on!" I felt a twitch in my stomach, in my flame. I put my hand over my stomach, confused. It was like a quick itch I couldn't scratch, but it was only temporary. I stood up straight again and brushed it off as nothing.