39. The return gift.

                                    

                                          
4800  words, pretty long update i know.
It's a compensation for the delay.
Enjoy...!!
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I didn't talked her during the whole function because i knew if i even raised my eyes to look at her, i will be so weak to let her go for her happiness. 
The whole function i was there with her with straight face eyes either down or looking somewhere else but not her.
Then....then that night happened.
When i entered the room, she was sitting there. I wasn't able to see her face but i knew she was hurt, i knew she was crying.
I knew she wanted to give this marriage a chance just for the sake of her family may be but i wouldn't have let her compromise with her own happiness at any cost.
My legs felt weak as i took steps into the room, i staggered. I was vulnerable enough to collapse anytime but the thought the she would be happy after that was holding me.
I drank for the first time on that day, not that much but yeahh a little.
People say alcohol gives you strength to let out your all thoughts fearlessly but for me it didn't work.
" Mere liye toh uski ek nazar hi kaafi hai baaki harr nasha utarne ke liye."
(For me, just one look from her is enough to get rid of every other intoxication).
My hairs disheleved, my eyes red by holding the pain and the rage in them.
I staggered again but she caught me before i could fall.
"Shan...you're -you're drunk", she asked when she encircles my hand around her shoulder.
I jerked my hands away, i know that little action of mine would have hurt her so much. My words would have tored her apart. But it was necessary.
She was silently listening to all nonsense.
She stood there, her eyes steady, unblinking, as if absorbing every ridiculous word I uttered. I knew I was rambling, saying things that i never shared with anyone else from the past years because i was enough to handle the pain. That pain always given me strength to move forward, to keep myself busy so that i wasn't free enough to think about love, feelings or her.
It felt like she understood every layer of confusion, frustration, and emotion buried in my speech, even when I struggled to make sense of it myself.
She tried stopping me sometimes but i was too consumed within myself, within my rage and pain to listen to anything because if i would have heard something, because i would have not done that. I know i would never let her go. I would have hold her tight to my chest. I would have hugged her and be lost in her arms finding my peace in them.
As i continued and told about her going to australia, she was shocked there was sometimes in her eyes i wasn't able to decipher, i wasn't able to understand.
Even before a second she reciprocated with a panicked voice knowing that it shouldn't have to be known by me,
"Ishan..... you're misunderstanding....mai tumhe batane wali thi...per shadi...ke baad humari bat.... nahi ho payi.., mai... tumhe sab.. sabkuch batana chahti thi....per mauka hi nahi mila... tum toh itna gussa tha ke kal raat kamre mei bhi nahi aaye."