Chapter 24: Missing

                                    

                                          
Hi! So from this chapter on, I completely deviate from canon. Technically speaking, this is during seasons 23-25 buuut as I said, I'm unable to watch them. Also I kind of created this story before those episodes were even out so... Anyway, enjoy :D 
_________________________________________________________
'Just so we are clear, I feel betrayed by you. And I don't how I'll ever get over it.'
'Be true my son, only that.'
'Promise me that you are going to be ok, and work on whatever your heart needs.'
'Do you feel guilty for what you've done?'
'Then why are you defending the man that killed my wife?'
'Raf...'
'Raf...'
'Raf... wake up.'
Rafael's eyes opened violently, his vision blurry, and his pajamas covered in sweat. He tried focusing on Julie, lying next to him and holding his hand.
'I'm ok...'
'It's the fifth time this week. You've never had nightmares before; this is starting to worry me.'
'I'm fine... just a lot of things to think about at work.'
'Raf...'
'Go back to bed, preciosa, I'll be right back, I promise.'
Clearly, Rafael was not ok. Ever since they came from Switzerland, the images from the Wheatley trial had been repeating constantly in his head. Liv's last words to him repeated in his head constantly, and not only in his dreams. Yes, she asked him not to defend Wheatley, but he had no option, no if he wanted to protect her from all the wrongful things that she and her squad did. Wasn't that what they wanted in the Mickey Davis case, for example? To have someone on the defense who would fight for the same things that the NYPD needed and would guarantee a good deal for everyone? He was on their side, but the anger and pain didn't seem to dissipate from their eyes.
And what about her betrayal? Stabler had been away for ten years, and suddenly appears like nothing happened and Liv accepts it. Long forgotten were Rafael and Olivia's silent conversations and confidential glances. It was all Elliot now, and it used to be his. And he hated that. He also hated that Stabler and his fiancée were getting closer with their morning runs; he knew that Julie was trying to be nice to the widow, and he never doubted her fidelity to him, but the fact that he was a big part of the lives of the two women in his life that mattered to him the most (except his mother, of course), and that he already managed to take away one, killed him.
He also had flashbacks from his conversation with Nick. After a Sunday mass, Julie invited him to her usual meetings with the Amaro family. Rafael was able to meet the ex-detective's wife, as well as their children, and observed the sincere friendship they had with Julie. When the women went out with the kids to buy things for dinner, he and Nick were left alone, and Nick asked the obvious: how much Julie knew about SVU and the job Barba used to have, especially because of Julie's ignorance of Liv's existence. Barba seemingly convinced Nick that he was trying to leave all that stuff in the past and that if Julie and Liv hadn't met yet, it was merely circumstantial. He was grateful that Amaro left the squad before all the most traumatic events happened to him, especially his reason for leaving. 
And last, he couldn't take his mind away from the lies he had been telling Julie. He knew of her constant visits to the Stablers, and on each occasion, he prayed with all his might that upon her return, Julie would not throw a vase at his head, accusing his participation in the defense of her friend's murderer. Wheatley's death had been very convenient for him because, to this day, she would only come back with anecdotes from the siblings, the same ones who watched him with hatred in their eyes during the whole trial. When he asked him for Julie's hand, Julio had only one condition: to be true to her, no lies. And there he was.