hey there baby,
it's me.
i had a dream about you yesterday morning. i woke up around 4am. i wrote about it in my journal. it all came to me in flashes, and i couldn't see any face. but the figure of a man was there. he was so kind to me, too.
it started out in what seemed to be a boutique of some kind, and i was shopping for blouses. they were folded nicely on a display table. i looked through the different designs and i told the worker which ones i picked. "i think i like this one, this one and this one!"
something urged me to keep looking so i did, and i looked down to see a tiny little baby suit. it seems like it was in the right place although it didn't match any of the other shirts. it felt like i just stumbled upon it - but also it was right there in front of me. i picked up the shirt and it was so small and precious. it was white with hot pink lettering embroidered across the front of it that read words. i can't remember what it said word for word unfortunately, but the gists of it was a message that i believe was sent from spirit. "the love you want is praying for you and your unborn child also."
i paused to admire it for a moment and i said to myself "oh, i should have chose this one."
it cut to a different setting like in a movie but there was a flash of light that came between it. and suddenly i was rushing out of the bar across the street from my apartments. we should go there one day whenever we meet.
anyways, as i'm leaving out you stop me, or a young man stops me, and we begin to chat. i don't remember about what but i remember he was kind and i couldn't stop smiling and laughing with him. it felt so pure and loving. it only lasted a few seconds but the emotions that i felt in that moment were so intense, like a sense of being overjoyed. i loved everything about it.
i remember being at a park, near a gazebo picnic area type of platform. as i approached it i'd seen an old friend of mine sitting there or maybe i imagined her there i really don't remember. but it wasn't really more than that. i don't remember if i made it to her or not. i remember it was a sunny day.
and another flash, and i was in a hospital room. i was viewing myself from a third persons perspective, and i was lying there with my gown on and my legs spread. i think it was me, at least. i couldn't really see my own face due to the angle that i was viewing, almost like i was under a table. i believe i was in a chair but it was from a lower angle.
anyways, i'm giving birth. by this time i'm nearly half awake but my thoughts keep coming and my eyes are still closed. i'm holding someone's hand as tightly as i can and it shows that. and i remember screaming as loudly as i can two times. i feel the heat and intensity of the screams in my own face despite it being from a 3rd persons pov.
finally the pressure is gone and i hear the words "it's twins."
i repeat the same words back to you with a sigh of relief.
and from there i can't remember anything else. it felt like i was watching a movie. i fell asleep praying for you that night, listening to love songs, and then i woke up from that dream and prayed some more. i can't remember when or who told me this but sometime through out the whole thing i remember hearing the words "keep praying" too. overall it was reassuring.
despite not knowing you i like to think that you're somewhere out there in the world praying for a girl like me too. and you feel all the hopelessness and disappointment and loneliness and anger and impatience that i feel on my end as well. not because i want you to suffer, but because when i find you i know we'll never have to feel that way again. and despite not knowing you i like to think you have the same type of hope that i do; the kind that won't run dry. you're all i really think about. i just hope you feel the same way.
goodnight my sweetboy. i love you already.
(gotta find you - from "camp rock" by joe jonas)
