Chapter 13 - Nate

                                    

                                          
We walk in silence for a few minutes. As soon as we entered the tree line, she ripped off her bulletproof vest and now I'm carrying it for her while she carries her gas mask. She'd rather not have any of it. She says the vest in particular makes her feel constricted. But she wears it to appease Dorian.
I keep her hand in mine and let her work through the mess of thoughts in her head. She's usually pretty confident in herself and in the power she has over us, but sometimes, and unfortunately more often lately, she manages to convince herself that she's not worth it, that she doesn't deserve it because she's only ever been a whore.
She doesn't understand how we see her. Lucas said it yesterday; she's our God. We'd give up everything for her. We fucking worship her.
I think she feels guilty for giving in to everything. Now that she has us and knows what it feels like to be loved, she hates what she became for those men. But we don't care. She was doing what she had to do to survive.
I stare down at her and she just looks like she's completely lost in her mind. Her eyes are far away and she's simply letting me lead her through the trees, barely paying attention to her surroundings.
I lean down to kiss her neck softly, "Talk to me, Elena. What's going on in your head?"
She turns to look at me and smiles, "I like how different you are with me."
I straighten up and raise a brow, "What do you mean?"
She shrugs and her wide eyes brighten a little as she stares up at me. "You're always so, I dunno... quiet, reserved... stoic?" She giggles and the sound immediately relaxes me. "I can't really explain it. But around other people you're just this intimidating presence and they're all scared of you. But with me you're..." Her face heats up and she bites down on her bottom lip, "you're... well, you're just different. You smile and laugh, and actually talk. You're so gentle and caring."
She stops and looks up at me through her lashes, "it's... nice to be the one that the Nathaniel King drops the mask for."
I curl a finger under her chin, tilting her face up and sliding my thumb along her bottom lip. "You're my girl, Elena. You're the only one I care about enough to drop the mask for. I'd never hide from you."
I pull down on her lip and her breath hitches, "Is that really what was on your mind?"
"Kind of," she says when I release her from my hold and we start walking again. "I was trying to remind myself of all the ways you guys have proven that you love me."
"Does that help you feel better when you're upset? Thinking about how much we love you?"
Her lips form a small smile and she nods, "Yes. It helps block out the other memories. And it helps when..." Her eyes well up and she swallows thickly before letting her mess of thoughts spill out, "Sometimes I worry that I suffered some kind of mental break and I'm still chained to my bed, daydreaming about Deacon whisking me away and killing Frank. I worry that I let those thoughts get carried away and this is all just happening in my head. What if I wake up one day and none of it was real? What if I wake up and he's there, just on me, just pressing into me. What if he never unchains me, what if I never escape him?"
I let her ramble and panic but then I cup her face in my hands and breath deeply, coaxing her to do the same. "It's real, Elena. We love you. We all love you so much. You'll never go through anything like that ever again. I won't let it happen." I wipe away a few of her tears and stroke her face, "You're safe, and you escaped. He's dead. Do you remember killing him?"
She nods slowly, her gorgeous eyes locked on mine.
"Think about his blood and the way it dripped from your hammer. That was real. That really happened, Elena. You fought him and you won."