44

                                    

                                          
Suicidal thoughts, mature language  ⚠️
Flashback ❤️‍🩹
Jungkook's POV 
As I sit with one foot on either side of the ledge looking down from 22 floors above the streets of Seoul, I can't help but think about something, that always came to my mined whenever I'm alone.
Not my own, I like my life enough to want to see it through. The pain that get into my head and chest while I'm hanging on a mere rope, fighting for the air which I refused to breath in. Now I'm more focused on other people, how they ultimately come to the descision to just end their own lives. Do they regret after it? 
Do they ever regret?
Its already 10.30 pm in the night. In the moment after letting go and the second before they make impact, there has to be a little bit of remorse in that brief free fall. Do they look at the ground as it rushes towards them and think
Well crap, this was a bad idea?
Somehow I think 'not'.  I think death about a lot, particularly today. Considering I just---- 12 hours ago I watched the life that snatched from me forcefully and gave it to another person by someone whom I trusted only.
The girl seemed happy with that person, holding her hands so closely, handling with care and love which snatched from me---- she smiled around that someone. Tucking her brown thick hair to her butterfly clips, buying clothes, icecream etc... walking through the Seoul street without giving any attention to the world.
Did that person saw me? Or that person purposefully avoided my presence? I was literally stalking them---- every single time that person hugs that girl my inner self cried like a fucking baby.
That girl looks like a teenager, maybe 14 or something. It very well could be considered the most disastrous. Why did I to see them again? I was okay with my so-fucking- tragical life with my father who couldn't even hold on a depressed fuck like me.
The person seems like happy with the new found life. When the person who stopped the car infront them---- I drank the whole bottle of water. They got inside of the car with bunch of shopping bags.
I was nervous at first, I can't walk towards that person whom I hates the most---- I love the most 
The wife of highly adorned Mr Ahn Sungjae; the adored Mayor of plethora, gangnam.
After seeing them drive off to their place, i caught a uber straight back to my father's abandoned building--- not abandoned by him but by me. This building had memories of me and that person. It's the first and last building I could hijack without getting caught.
Again, not because I'm suicidal.
I'm not here to kill myself today, just wanted to breath some fresh air. Or maybe the hurt pooling inside of my heart and mind will lead me to the ground of the parking from this height. Already that fucking Jiwoon, eating my ears since we meet up again in the that fucking University.
Dammit if I had to face that ugly fuck tonight I'll rip his head of and slam him against the door--
Living with my father, a son like me who has bipolar behaviour seems so tiring. That old man is hardworking for me haha for what? For being my already-fuckedup- childhood to me?