Chapter 19

                                    

                                          

Leehan was craving pizza today and guess who gave him his wish, the one and only Han Taesan. 
But in his defense, Leehan doesn't have that much of an appetite for foods other than gummies so if he said he wanted to eat this or that, Taesan would gladly give it to him with no second thoughts.
Plus, this is the day that he'll attempt to confess to Taesan.
"Unbelievable," Taesan scoffed, wiping Leehan's lip with a tissue. "Your fishes eats normally more than you ever will."
Leehan laughed at him because he should've wiped his own lip, but he pouted at Taesan, so the older one ended up doing it for him.
"Thanks, Min," Leehan smiled sheepishly. "I can't live without you, really. What would I do without you?"
He'll suffer a lot. What happened a year ago was something he didn't want to happen again. He suffered so much and was traumatized by it.
"Well," Taesan glanced at Leehan, "what do you think you'd do if I ever left your side?"
It took Leehan a few seconds to answer. He looked into the distance, thinking, before shrugging and replying.
"I'd cry..." He leaned back in his seat.
"That's it?" Taesan raised an eyebrow and laughed.
It took him a while to answer again. He stared at Taesan for a moment and nodded.
"I'd cry," he repeated. "I'd probably just cry... until you came back." 
Just like what he did last time. He cried every night to sleep and prayed for him to go back.
"What if I didn't come back?" 
Leehan knew that was possible but he won't leave again, right? He promised he won't do that again.
"Then I'd just cry until the end of my life."
Taesan gave him a smile.
"Come on, let's go home. I'm sleepy," Leehan suddenly stood up, grabbed his things, and waited for Taesan to get ready too.
The older man nodded immediately, and they left together after cleaning their table.
The drive home suddenly was quiet. Normally, Leehan would be blabbering about nonsense or his 'Underwater Trivias', and Taesan would automatically respond to all his curious questions.
It's always: Leehan asks, Taesan answers. 
So now, in the middle of the frustrating traffic in Seoul, Leehan contemplates whether to confess today or not. That question got him thinking of what could happen and what if Taesan will leave again like before.
Leehan felt Taesan glance at him while he was staring out the window, his usual animated expression replaced by a pensive one.
The silence was beginning to feel uncomfortable.
"Hey, Leehan," Taesan started, breaking the silence, "everything okay? You seem a bit quiet."
"Huh?" Leehan snapped back to reality and stopped staring out the window.
"Nothing! Just thinking..."
"Penny for your thoughts?"
Leehan just laughed and held his seat belt before leaning back in his seat and sighing.
Leehan turned to him, a small smile playing on his lips. "I'm fine, just thinking," he replied.
"About what?" Taesan asked, curious.
Leehan hesitated for a moment, then looked back out the window. "Nothing important," he dismissed.
Taesan knew better than to push. He respected Leehan's need for space, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was bothering his best friend. 
They continued driving in silence for a few more minutes before Leehan finally spoke up.
"Nothing, I swear. I was just thinking about your question earlier..."
Taesan's brow furrowed. "What about it?"
"I'm imagining myself without you...again."
Leehan looked at him and stared. He saw how Taesan gasped, probable because he's starting to tear up.
"Look, I'm crying," Leehan tried to laugh it off as he wiped his tears away.
"You're so stupid, Han..." He mumbled to himself 
"I shouldn't have asked," Taesan shook his head because he realized that his friend's tears were easily triggered. He cries a lot even with the smallest thing he sees or experiences.
"I'm serious, Min," Leehan stopped wiping his tears and looked back at Taesan who was also staring at him. "I'd just cry forever if you ever left again."
Taesan shook his head again and reached for Leehan's face to wipe away the tears that had escaped. "I'm not going anywhere. Don't imagine that. I won't leave you alone again."
Leehan smiled and held Taesan's hand that was currently on his cheeks. "Me too. I won't leave your side."
Before Taesan looked back at the road, he noticed how Leehan shivered so he quickly reached for his jacket at the backseat and gave it to Leehan.
"What's this for?" He asked.
"Wear it. You seemed cold." Taesan replied before adjusting the temperature. 
Leehan nodded and wore it before starting a conversation. "Remember that time we went scuba diving?" he asked, his voice a bit distant.
Taesan nodded, a smile creeping onto his face as he recalled the adventure.
"Of course, how could I forget? You almost got eaten by a giant clam."
Leehan laughed, the tension in his voice easing. "Hey, it was just a close call!"
"Seriously, your life choices are going to be the end of me." Taesan teased, making Leehan roll his eyes.