Chapter Eight

                                    

                                          
"You know you don't have to do this, baby." Maya's voice was choked with tears as she watched her son packing his weekend bag, "We can all go on a family trip, take some time off."
Kai hated hearing his mother cry, hated that he was making her cry – he chewed his lower lip as he folded up another hoodie, a slightly oversized burgundy one and grabbed his beta blockers, "It's alright, mae." he replied, "If I don't do this now, I never will."
His voice trembled with uncertainty and he eyed his weighted blanket, frowning that he hadn't made enough space to bring it along.  He instead grabbed his headphones, slinging them around his neck, as well as the reversible octopus toy, thumbing the soft fabric with a smile.
"But– but what if something goes wrong?" Maya sniffled, "What if you have another meltdown, o–or–"
Kai turned to her, taking her hands,  "Mae." his voice was soft, and he switched to Thai to assure her, "I'll be okay.  I promise you."
His mother's face crumpled a little but after a second, she steeled herself, cupping his face tenderly.  Outside the bedroom door, Amara and Somsak were waiting, both a little more composed than the matriarch of the family, with Kai's father giving him the same expression he used when greeting a politician, his brows drawn, lips pressed together in a forced smile and eyes carrying a distance.
Kai fucking hated that expression.
Amara was warmer, her arms surrounding his neck as she pushed up onto her tiptoes – it was then her expression broke a little and Kai heard the hitch of her breath as she murmured, "Please take care of yourself."
It was the same tone of voice she'd used on that terrible night as she'd bashed her fist against his chest, trying to get his sluggish heart to come back to life.
Don't you dare leave me.
Kai's eyes screwed shut as he inhaled her scent, the warm eucalyptus of her perfume he'd once found to be overbearing but after months apart, had become a comfort, "I'll see you Monday." he murmured before pulling away to spare one more look at his family as he grabbed both his weekend and laptop bags.
Outside, he heard the sound of a car pulling up and threw the weekend bag over his shoulder as he headed downstairs, where he saw Ren's car had pulled up outside.  A sudden feeling of dread came over him like a cold shiver as the other man clambered out of the car, Haru joining him as they bickered.
"Just remember, if there's an emergency, you can call Dr. Simpson, she said she'll check in on you." Ren's voice was worried, cloying, "And there's spare money–"
Haru interrupted him, their eyes rolling dramatically, "--in the safe, I know." they zipped their hoodie up, "Ren, I'm almost sixteen years old, I'm perfectly capable of watching myself for four days."
"Okay, but remember what I said, no parties." Ren reminded them, his hand coming out to caress the back of their head worriedly, reminding Kai of the way his mother had stressed mere moments before.
Haru huffed, narrowing their eyes, "Dude, you seriously think I have enough friends for a party?"
They then looked up at Amara, who'd run out behind Kai and was suddenly grinning as she met with her friend, though Kai barely noticed since he and Ren were once again standing in close proximity with each other – it struck Kai that the last time he'd spoken to the other man that wasn't over the phone was when they'd hooked up again.

Things suddenly felt very awkward.
He could still feel Ren's tongue in his mouth, hot and heavy, the way he'd focused on his pleasure, not even wanting Kai to return the favour as he got himself off whilst blowing Kai's mind.  He could feel the way that Ren looked at him, the sad puppy-dog eyes he had given as Kai had left the apartment, determined not to fall back into old habits out of respect for Alex, because God knows, he'd disrespected the memory of his friend enough already.