Chapter 12 | Numb

                                    

                                          
Julian felt numb. He stared off into the distance as he laid on his bed. His knees pulled up and he hugged his pillow close to his chest. The room felt dark, although the sun was shining outside, what could have been a beautiful summer day felt more like an ice-cold winter night. Julian just felt numb. How many days has it been? Weeks? Months? He didn't know. He stopped counting. He was a shell of himself as he tried to process his thoughts.
What had happened?
He remembered waking up in the hospital, his head hurting and bandaged up. He was trying to regain his memory back when he was engulfed in a tight hug from his mom. She had been waiting for him to wake up, and once he did tears streamed down her face. He had asked what had happened and the story she told him was obviously a lie. He knew it was. He hadn't been in an accident at all, he knew the truth as he remembered everything clearly. The soft words Adam had spoken to him when he had carried him to his car. The soft caressing on his stomach and the soft kisses to his head.
He remembered.
He wished he didn't, it pained his heart, and the truth was more than he could take. He wished that it had all been a lie and he still was happily going on with his life. Now he didn't know what to do anymore. His heart longed for his touch; his body longed to be held by Adam. But what he was, was wrong for him. It scared him to the core. The nightmares that still haunted him were too real. How could anyone live with that!
He didn't tell a soul about it. One thing he knew was that this wasn't just something to be outed. The moment he was hospitalized, and his family got the news they also heard he was pregnant. His mom had hugged him and told him it would all be all right. Maybe she had sensed that it wasn't something planned, and she didn't judge him for hiding it. His dad was a different story though. He was more quiet than usual now. He had hugged him and squeezed his hand and told him he would beat up the man who did this to him as a joke, but Julian still felt his uncertainty. Who wouldn't react like that when their child was in the hospital, beaten up and pregnant with no lover in sight.
His family did notice how quiet he had become. How he was less and less talkative even as they tried to cheer him up at the hospital. How his mother held his hand and squeezed softly every time he startled awake from a nightmare. She must have thought it was because of the accident but what he really saw was blood, everywhere, every time he closed his eyes. Adam had done this to him. but how angry he even was, Julian couldn't hate him. They both had kept secrets from each other and now they both had to suffer the consequences.
He had come home 4 days ago, and he had yet to eat something. The moment he had opened his door he had crumbled down. The past weeks of recovery had been at his parents' house but the way they looked at him in pity was suffocating. He loved that he could finally be himself more now that he didn't have to hide his pregnancy anymore. He had smiled at them when they wanted to, and he had said to them how everything was alright even though he knew he wasn't. He just couldn't stay, and he had left to go back to his own place. His mom had pressured him to stay and just take a break from college. He could come live back home and just raise the child there. He had laughed and told them he was alright and needed to sort things out at his own pace. He had masked his emotions when he told them that and waved goodbye with a smile.
They thought everything was alright. They thought he was going to class. They thought he wasn't suffering at all.
He hadn't heard anything from Adam at all in the last weeks. He didn't know if he wanted too either. He was scared, angry, confused, heartbroken.
At first, he had let it go. He didn't want to see Adam at all but after a few days he had texted him, and when he hadn't gotten a response, called him. Even then Adam didn't pick up. Julian wanted to scream, he needed answers and the one who he needed to give him those wasn't there. Now here he was, numb to his feelings. His omega had been quiet too for some time now, it stopped whining eventually after all those weeks.