Restaurant fear

                                    

                                          
Tw: disordered eating
Havyns pov
————
Taylor's really caught onto my eating habits. I knew they were bad but I always just blamed the fact that we didn't have enough food for me. Not that I didn't want to be fat. I knew I wasn't. I knew I was severely underweight for my age, I just couldn't look at myself after eating a meal. It made me feel sick and greedy. I just couldn't eat without feeling guilty. 
Taylor had this great idea that we should go out for dinner to celebrate. Celebrate that i was her daughter. I had no excuse to not go, plus my siblings deserved to go as they had never sat in a restaurant before. 
I got ready, putting on some jeans and a nice top. I added a jacket, once I realised you could see my ribs through the top. I sighed at my figure, knowing I could do nothing about it. 
"Havie!" I heard Taylor call from downstairs. I walked down to see them all at the door, waiting for me. Maisie had the cutest little dress on, one with daisies all over it. I smiled at them.
"Ready?" Taylor asked, taking Maisie and Theo's hands. 
I nodded, following them out the door and to the car. Theo and Maisie got in the back row, while Taylor and I sat in the middle row. My leg started to bounce anxiously as I thought of all the calories I was about to be forced to consume. I bit my nails, trying to take my mind off what we were about to do. 
Taylor placed her hand on my knee, rubbing her thumb slowly. I shivered at the unexpected contact, I looked over to her. She was staring out the window, I felt seen. 
Realising I didn't want to feel seen before we headed into a restaurant, meaning Taylor was onto me. She knew I was struggling with food and that scared the hell out of me. I zoned out the rest of the way there as Theo and Maisie were having their own conversation. Taylor's hand never left its spot on my leg, until we arrived. 
———
We all sat down, I sat opposite to Taylor and Theo with Maisie. Dividing the little ones between us. I scanned the menu for any sort of low calorie meal. Both Theo and Maisie settled for some chicken tenders and fries as I started to panic, reading the entire menu. I felt my breathing speed up, it was out of control. I did not need a panic attack, not here not right now. 
"Hey," I felt a hand on mine, "breathe with me."
I nodded, letting a tear slip. I quickly wiped it away. Who knew a menu could give someone so much fear?
"I'll order for you." Taylor spoke in a lower tone, just so I could hear it. I nodded, unable to speak as I was trying to recover. Taylor had just saved me from a full blown panic attack in the middle of the restaurant. 
Maisie and Theo had started to colour in on their kids menus, and Taylor was talking to me. I couldn't focus on what she was saying, everything was spinning in my brain. I excused myself to the bathrooms. 
I slid down the door of the cubicle, regaining my breath. I just needed a minute, I had no idea what Taylor was ordering for me. That thought scared me. How many calories?
I just sat in a ball for the next ten minutes before coming out and washing my hands. As I was walking over to the table again, I noticed the waiter leaving. 
The damaged had been done. 
————
A little while later, our food arrived. I looked a my plate, a burger with a side salad. Taylor had the same infront of her as well, panicking I picked at the salad. Knowing there was little to no calories in lettuce. 
"Why aren't you eating your burger?" Theo asked innocently.
"I am." I mumbled, taking the smallest bite possible. I noticed Taylor watching my every move. I knew I couldn't eat the whole thing, my stomach wouldn't be able to handle it anyway. 
I knew we weren't leaving until I'd at least eaten half of it. I slowly chewed on the same small mouthful for ages, hiding some of the burger under the salad. I also let Maisie try it when Taylor was busy with Theo, discussing some fire fighter thing. 
Once it looked like I had eaten some of the burger, I set it down happy with my success. 
"Havyn eat some more please." Taylor asked me nicely. Fear shot through me again, I didn't expect her to catch on.
"I'm full."
"You've hardly ate, come on." She smiled, "it's okay."
Slowly, I stared at the burger like it was staring back at me. Wishing I could be anywhere else but her right now. I took another bite, bigger this time. Scared of the impact. Taylor was still watching me, encouraging me to keep eating. When she finally looked away, I had eaten most of the burger. 
I hated her for this.
————
We arrived home, I went straight upstairs to put the little two in bed. Feeling guilty and anxious, my stomach felt full which was uncomfortable. I made my way to my room, curling into a ball. That's when I felt it, I ran to the bathroom. Throwing up the entire burger, I felt someone hold my hair and rub my back. 
Taylor knew and that terrified me.
After I was done being sick, I lent against the wall. Feeling sorry for myself, I was glad I was sick but I knew my insides were so fucked up that I couldn't even stomach a burger.
Taylor sat next to me, "we're going to get you some help, sweet girl."
"I'm fine." I said through gritted teeth.
"Honey, you're starving yourself." She tucked my hair behind my ear, "you deserve to eat."
I just sat, staring at the wall. Wanting everything to just stop. 
/// hope you enjoy! Trying to publish as quick as possible before I head back to uni! Should I add Travis into the story?///