18 year old Solani starts her journey as a young adult and is trying to survive her many traumas and the different obstacles that comes her way.
Follow her on her journey
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*This book contains Mature language and Sexual content*...
It's been two months since I've found out I'm pregnant. In that time I've cried and stressed and had so many mental breakdowns but thank god I had alot of support from my friends I won't lie and say I'm in a better place now but I will say I'm feeling better I'm still very scared to have a baby and there is still a voice in the back of my mind telling me that I still have time to abort and try living my life single and baby free again but after what happened the last time and it being part of the whole reason I'm in therapy right now it's best to ignore that thought, Besides it can't be a coincidence that I'm pregnant again couple months after losing my first baby Can it? I've started showing but I wear mostly baggy clothes or sweaters now if I go out that's kind of a challenge obviously because it's Jamaica the cool breeze hasn't exactly come our way as yet
My phone dinged knocking me out of my thoughts I checked it and it was shae in the group chat
Shae🥰:
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You just had to get fucked up huh lans? Who am I supposed to go to the club with now???
Me: 😭🤣you acting like I did this on purpose
Sage🌱❤️: How long afta me have me baby before me can drink??
Me: I'm not sure I gotta ask my doctor next appointment
Sage🌱❤️: mine just a tell me bout focus on breastfeeding and spending time with the baby after I give birth🙄
Me:🤣😭
I laughed turning over and drifting to sleep
..... "Come all this way for her to tell me that the baby is the size of a kiwi and I'm entering my second trimester" I fussed waddling to Lashae's car "Lani that's not all she told you" Shae said laughing at me "That's what I heard" I said buckling my seat belt Shae buckled her seat belt and started the car I just came from my appointment and I'm just so over this pregnancy already do I really have to keep going to these? "You not hearing nothing I'm saying lans" Shae said as we stopped at a red light "My bad Shae what did you say?" "I said when are you going to tell him" Ugh. Shae has been trying to convince me to tell amir I'm pregnant from she found out I'm pregnant and I've been very much against it for obvious reasons I'm stressed enough to be honest if there's anything he's gonna do it's make shit worse besides I'm not trying to go argue with nobody he's fucking with pregnant and I know he's been just free lancing if I could call it that "When I'm ready" I said trying to dismiss the conversation I'm tired of having this conversation it feels as if we talk about this every week "Okay lani but as I said before I still don't think it's fair" "I know it's not shae stop pressuring me I told you my reasons like a millionth time" I said getting frustrated "I'm not trying to pressure you lans I'm just looking out for you and the baby and telling you the right thing to do we friends but I'm not gonna be a yes man and agree to everything you do" she looked over at me "And I know that Shae but I told you when I'm ready so just drop it" I said irritated "Besides symere told me he's not even in Jamaica apparently him gone deal with some business in Miami from last week" "Okay lans" she said not pushing it no more "Hold up turn here I need to pick up some more sweaters from Symere's house" "You and these damn sweaters" she said turning into Symere's community
When we got to Symere's house I saw his car outside That's funny cause he's not supposed to be home, he should be managing everything since Amir isn't in Jamaica at the moment I pushed the key into the lock and entered calling symere "Him upstair-" Amir said walking from the living room before making a face and looking down at my stomach before looking up back at me "What?" I asked confused before following his eyes I slowly looked down Fucking hell. The one day I decided to wear a not so oversized tshirt Fuck fuck fuck I spun around briskly walking back outside towards shae's car When I got in all I could get out was "Drive!" "What what happened lans?" She asked panicking as she started up the car driving away I looked back seeing Amir come outside I sighed in relief thinking I got away forgetting Amir knows where I live Fuck. "Lani" Shae waved a hand in my face "Oh uhh shae now why did you manifested Amir seeing me" She busted out laughing "Him see you?that's why ya behave suh?" She said laughing some more "Yes!" I whined "Now he's going be trying to contact me I wanted to do this when I was ready" I sighed "Lani we both know you kept saying when you are ready to get me and symere to stop asking you,you were never gonna be quote on quote ready" she said "Yeah yeah" I said rolling my eyes She's right I knew I'd keep on pushing it off Bwoy God know how fi fix me doh! When shay pulled up to my house I hurriedly got in and closed the doors I don't know why but I'm scared of what's going to happen next Why am I lying? I know why I'm scared He's going to be very angry and I know I'm wrong I know But it's just- I sighed walking to my bathroom I showered to relax my mind and body the grabbed my box of cheeze-it and sat on the couch turning on my Netflix
It's been an hour or two since I got home and I haven't checked my phone since and he hasn't come here yet and that's worrying me I thought he'd be here by now
My phone dinged Best:me did tell yu fi tell him
Before I could respond the same unknown number Amir texted me on started calling I watched it ring for a while be from hesitantly answering "Yo come open the door" my heart sank Well guys it was nice knowing ya'll
I got up and took deep breaths before opening the door He pushed it open and slammed it shut looking me dead in my eyes backing me into the wall He was about to say something then he stopped himself making gestures as if he was calming himself "When yu did ago tell me saija!?" His tone scared me so much I jumped I gulped and looked down playing with my fingers to hold back my tears "Ww-hen I was ready" I got out He let out a heavy sigh before walking over to the couch I slowly walked over and sat across from him slowly looking up I was met with his mean ass stare "When yu ready yu bombo yu never plan fi tell mi" he said getting up "Yu know how long mi deh deh a calm me self before mi come over ya!?" He semi shouted and I flinched He calmed himself once again before sitting back down "How long yu know?" "Two months ago couple days before I came with you guys to mobay" He scrunched his face up looking at me "Suh wait yu did know yu pregnant when yu inna the supermarket a chat to man?" How- "How that important Amir?" He shot me a look "And yu know yu did pregnant when yu lef the air bnb and guh restaurant by yu self?" "Yes-" I started to say but he cut me off "No mi a try mek it mek sense saija" "Bout fucking stomach bug" He said kissing his teeth I tried to keep a serious face but that was funny "Why?" "Why what amir?" "Stop play fucking stupid saija" Oh. "Because I was conflicted" "Bout wah? Weh yu conflicted bout?" He asked "Everything Amir, The baby, us, my life, my mental health" I paused "Everything" "Mi a expect yu fren dem fi know but fucking symere?! All him know and mi nuh know? Fuckry that saija" He said shaking his head "Symere knew before even me amir" "How the fuc-" "I took the test and it was negative and symere came and saw it positive" "B mi get seh we lef or whate-" "We lef" I cut him off "Yeah yeah solani we lef but that nuh mean seh yu fi mek dem decisions ya alone cause weh the fuck?" "Amir I'm very sorry but I had to put my self and my mental health first" "Wah bout fucking me?! Wah bout my mental health? Eh?" "Alright I've been very respectful to you and quiet and let you vent your anger and whatever because I know I'm wrong but you're pushing it" "Shout or cuss at me again and I'm gonna have to tell you to leave" "Bredda yu nuh fucking fair and yu nah tek how me feel into consideration me miss out pon wah? Two months a yu pregnancy?" He said looking at my stomach "Three" I said correcting him "Yu three months pregnant saija?" "Yes Amir" He didn't say anything he just looked at me with tears in his eyes For the first time in years I saw Amir cry And I felt like shit I really hurt him "I'm sorry Amir"
