~318~

                                    

                                          
for the better half of the last five days I've tried to suppress it
this resentment
this hurt
and man have I been good at it
but I saw this TikTok just now and
when was the point where y'all decided that you're gonna be just fine without me?
when did you decide to leave me for the dogs?
how did you let it happen?
how did we?
and what
Eli got married last Friday and we're all gonna just pretend that we didn't spend the best 12 years of our lives together?
am I just supposed to look at all these pics through the screen
and be so happy for you
and forget that what we had was not important enough to earn me an invite to your wedding?
I am hurt and bitter and just unbearably sad at the fact that you left me
because I remember everything
and I hate that I'm the only one who does
I thought maybe it was just that we grew up
grew out of it
but fuck that
y'all seem to have grown up together just fine with all your girlfriends and husbands and colleges abroad and house renovations
meanwhile
I got sicker and sicker
found a way to get by without you
I'm not proud of it
and I don't hate you nearly as much as I love you
nearly as much as I miss you