Chapter 1 - Talia

                                    

                                          
"Is this something you're going to be comfortable with?" Darren Lynch, my brother's boyfriend asks me on the couch across from me.
"It's not like I have much of a choice now, is it?" 
"Talia," my brother, Alex cuts in. "We been talking about this for months now, and we really feel that this is the best course of action. Darren and I found IT jobs that work for both of us in Cork." 
I ignored my brother's spiel and narrowed my gaze in on Darren. "You didn't keep contact with them for years. Do you really think moving back now will magically make everything alright again?" 
"No," he says. "But..." 
I interrupt him. "I'm in the middle of my leaving cert." 
"I understand that, but I've talked with Edel and John, and there is a spot available for you at Tommen College. It's a great school that would look excellent on that resume your always so worried about." 
"Everything is perfectly fine at the school I'm at." 
"I know that leaving is an exceptionally hard thing," Darren starts. 
"And you still were able to leave. I know," I jab, watching Darren flinch. "Sorry," I add. 
It was no secret that Darren left his family the second he turned 18. I'll never forget the exposition Alex gave me before I had dinner with him and Darren for the first time. The truth was, I didn't blame him for leaving. Darren had been through hell in the Lynch house and even worse in foster care. It was exceptional the way he was able to turn his life around. He got his college degree, got a respectable career, and settled down with my brother. 
They have been living alone in Belfast until, well I ruined it. Darren and Alex fought with all of their might to get custody of me after Mam died of breast cancer a few months ago. Darren had a massive fear of me going into foster care, rightfully so, and the case was granted in their favor. I mean, I didn't have any other family go to go, considering our Da also died when I was one in a car accident. With Alex being a living relative and a steady job with enough free time to take care of me, they practically handed me over, checking another case off their list. 
Luckily, Alex and Darren lived awfully close to Mam's old house to help with chemo treatments, so I never had to transfer schools or anything. Despite my old life at home deteriorating around me, everything at school remained the same. I didn't let my grades falter, my friends helped me stay sane, my boyfriend kept me active, and I distracted my thoughts with dance. In fact, I let it consume me. I was getting better every single day, and I was seriously close to getting a scholarship for it, on top of my grades. Everything was perfectly falling into place. 
Moving to Cork was going to change all of that for me. 
"That's why I need to do this," Darren says to me. "I want to fix things with my family more than anything." 
I understand why. I really did. I didn't know all of the details about what Darren did when he went back to help his Mam and siblings, but I know it wasn't great. From the hushed conversations I heard between him and Alex, he went about things in the wrong was because he really let his trauma get in the way. He hurt some feelings and apparently royally fucked things up with his brother, Joey. 
I never gave Darren my two cents, but I can't help but sympathize with his siblings. I would never question why he left, but I can't even begin to imagine the sense of abandonment his siblings must have felt. And then he waltzed back into their life to try to make things better. Alex told me he was in contact with his Mam all of those years but never really realized how worse things got. I would bet money that he was closer with his Mam than any of the other Lynch children were, and it probably caused him to handle things wrong. 
As the months went on, all of this has been tearing away at Darren. He's been talking with his therapist, trying to find better ways to handle everyone. Moving must have been a part of those conversations. 
"There's no guarantee it'll work," I tell Darren quietly. 
"I know," he nods. "But I have to try." His voice breaks as he holds back a sob. 
Water starts to well up in my eyes involuntarily. My heart can't help but break over it all. If I had a tarnished relationship with Alex, I would want to fix it too. 
Plus, I didn't know the rest of the Lynch children at all, but for as much tension as they experienced in their life, I would love to see this part of it healed. If Alex and Darren want moving to Cork to be with the Lynch family to be the next chapter of their lives, I didn't want to be one to stop them. I already interrupted their life enough when they took me in. 
"I understand," I say, looking at the two of them. 
"So you're okay with moving?" Alex hesitantly asks, taking his boyfriend's hand. 
Just because I was okay with the two of them moving didn't mean I wanted to. "What if I stay with Holden and his parents? It would only be a few months before college.
"Oh, please. You are not staying with your boyfriend. We are your guardians." 
"I'm almost eighteen!" 
Alex laughs. "You don't even like the kid!" 
"Yes I..." I stop myself while Alex raises an eyebrow at me. He knows damn well I didn't like Holden affectionally, and Holden knew it too. It was purely physical. We were both academics and athletes, using each other for a mutual release without having to deal with any pressures of a relationship. We both understood each other, and it was easy that way. 
"Whatever," I finish. "I just don't know if me moving is the best idea." 
"Did you forget me mentioning the prestige of Tommen College?" Darren coaxes.  
"It's not just that," I quietly admit. "I'll be entering their life out of nowhere like I didn't care in the first place." 
It pains me that besides of the Lynch children, none of them really knew I existed. When everything was going on with them, Alex convinced me that only Darren going down to help was the best way to handle the situation. Alex still had work and our Mam to deal with. I wanted to help any way I could; it was in my nature, but neither of them were for it. They didn't want to expose me to any more pain when I was dealing with taking care of Mam the most, and didn't want the shock of another family member to the Lynch family. I understood, but deep down, it felt like I was abandoning a family I never even met. 
I didn't even get to come to the other events like the funeral or Joey's return from rehab. They convinced me I was too busy with school and shouldn't tilt their world even more. Darren's boyfriend was different from some tag-along sister. So much for not feeling like a constant bearing. 
I would love to meet them. I would love to be their family. I just feel that I was programmed that they wouldn't feel the same way. If they were mad at Darren, why wouldn't they be pissed at me? 
"They'll love you," Darren assures me. "I've been telling them bits and pieces about you, and they all want to meet you, especially Edel. She wants to pamper the hell out of you." 
I hesitate, my anxious thoughts creeping over the optimistic words Darren is giving me. "So they don't think I've been avoiding contact?" 
"I've actually taken the blame on that one," Darren shrugs. "I shouldn't have keep you from them in the first place, and I'm sorry." 
I nod, not really knowing what else to say. 
"I found a studio you'll be able to practice at as well," Alex adds. "And I'll buy you the newest cell, so you can ring your friends whenever." 
My resolve dissipates. I can't keep up this argument knowing how much this means to the two of them. I can tell how much they need me to be okay with this. 
I stand from my chair, turning to exit the room. 
"Wait," Alex calls out. 
"Can we at least finish the conversation?" Darren asks. 
I playfully roll my eyes and look back at them. "What? I need to start packing."