DNA

                                    

                                          
Tw: disordered eating mentioned 
Taylor's mom came over to mind Theo and Maisie, while she took me to get the DNA test done. I didn't understand how my parents weren't my parents. How did they even pass the adoption process? Did that mean they could just adopt other kids and abuse them? 
I sat in panic as we drove into the carpark. Fear crept in and festered in my stomach, making me feel sick. Could I have had a better life with my real parents? Although I would've never have known Theo and Maisie, that thought broke my heart.
Taylor stopped the car, "I need to tell you something."
She wasn't helping my fear, she was staring straight ahead. Her hands still on the wheel as I stared at her.
"When I was 21, my career had just started," her voice was quiet but shaky, "I had a baby and gave her away. It's been my biggest regret." 
I couldn't deal with anymore surprises today, with that I got out of the car and walked myself into the doctor's practice. 
———— 
"Havyn Grey?" I looked up and followed a doctor into another room, leaving Taylor in the waiting room. He called her over due to the fact I'm a minor. I hadn't spoken to her since she announced her deepest darkest secret to me, which I could be her deepest darkest secret for all we know. To my defence, what do you even reply to that? 
And she hadn't spoken either.
We sat down, doing the traditional doctor list of questions. I sighed, waiting for the part about weight. It came.
"I need your weight and height. Can you stand here please?" He pointed over to a scale. I began to tremble in fear, I felt Taylor's hand squeeze mine with reassurance.
I stood on it, watching the numbers go up. I felt sick to my stomach. I stepped off quickly, sitting back down. 
"Okay and now your height?" I followed his instructions, completing the test shortly after. Soon enough we were out of there. I wanted to break down and cry, the emotions I felt were immense and intense. 
"Hey what happened in there?" Taylor asked cautiously, knowing that I had a wobble about my weight.
"Nothing." I mumbled, wiping a tear off my cheek. She didn't push it, she knew today wasn't the day.
Once we got back to Taylor's, I packed a bag. Knowing i may never come back, I was just glad my siblings could enjoy the love that Taylor had to share. 
I hugged them both, "I'll see you so soon, okay? And I'll call you everyday."
"To sing the bedtime song?" Theo asked.
I nodded, "you've got taylor for that as well."
They smiled through tears, before giving me one last hug. I knew they'd be okay. Taylor's proved to me that's she's capable of trust, she's more than capable to love them. She already does. 
"Hey can you guys give me a minute with your sister?" Taylor crouched to their level as they nodded. They ran back to the living room. 
Taylor and I just stared at each other, what does one even say?
"Don't let them go. Look after them." I felt tears prick in my eyes. Taylor just tilted her head as we both knew she would care for them, as no other had before. She pulled me in for a hug as I let my tears slip.
"You'll be okay, call me." She whispered, I nodded into her. Taking in her comfort and her scent, she always smelt incredible. 
"I'm sorry." I whispered back to her.
"You've got nothing to apologise for, you'll be back here before you know." I didn't know who she was trying to convince more. 
I nodded, pulling away from her but still in her embrace, "you saved them, thank you."
And with that I walked away, not looking back. I knew if I did I'd run and would never let go of Taylor. Once I was in the car, I was brave enough to look. I saw Taylor with Maisie on her hip and Theo attached to her leg, her hand was on his shoulder. They looked like the perfect family and I wasn't going to be apart of it. I had to live without the only people who knew me.
————
The car pulled up to a strange new house further into the city. I saw a few kids in the garden, running around without supervision. I opened my door and followed Sasha to the front of the house. 
"Hello!" The door swung open with a woman, not much older than Taylor, greeted us. She had frizzy brown hair with dead ends and green coloured eyes. She had a little girl placed on her hip, who looked about two, and another clung to her leg. Who was slightly older. I noticed a shit ton of shoes piled up beside the door, knowing this house had three bedrooms max. How do they all fit?
Sasha spoke to the woman for a minute before leaving. The lady turned to me, her happy smiley personality disappeared. 
"Line up!" She yelled.
About eight or nine kids came running in, lining up in what looked like age order. 
"This is Sam, Ollie, Bella, Ruby, Rex, Elliott, Reuben, Thea and then, Poppy." The woman mumbled Poppy's name. My heart broke for her, she must have been the youngest. The oldest, Sam, looked around my age which I took comfort in. Hoping I wasn't looking after all these kids alone. 
"I'm Martha," the woman stared at me, "introduce yourself."
"Havyn." I mumbled, scanning the kids. I got a few dirty looks. 
"Come to your room." 
My room was the biggest understatement there was, it was tiny with three sets of bunk beds piled beside each other. Martha pointed to a bottom bunk in the far corner, "that's empty." 
"You have chores and shit to do, if they're not done. You're stuck in this room for a week." With that she left. 
I sighed, lying on my bunk. Hoping the results were back soon. I didn't know what the results would change but at least I wouldn't be here. 
"Hi." I opened my eyes to see Poppy standing beside me.
"Hello." I smiled at her.
"Do you want to colour?" She show me a colouring in book under her bed. 
I nodded, "of course!"
We coloured for hours together, Poppy was filling me in on everything that happens here. For a two year old, she really takes everything in. 
"So basically, Sam, Ollie and Bella are Martha's real kids and they run the place." She whispered.
I nodded, listening intently.
"Everyone else keeps to themselves, no one wants to be friends here. Martha's alright, she just shouts a lot." She continued, "she doesn't hurt us though."
Obviously physical abuse was much more of a normality in foster homes than I thought. I felt myself wanting Taylor, my heart yearned for her touch and comfort. 
"Is this your first foster home?" I asked Poppy.
She shook her head, "seventh and my parents died at Christmas. I miss them."
It was only May. Seven different people had passed her off like she was some item, seven people gave her away. Seven people didn't want her. Because what? She wasn't theirs biologically? She was two years old and needy like every toddler there is?
I sighed as we got told lights out was near. I got into bed and dreamt I was at Taylor's with my siblings.