Chapter 19

                                    

                                          
Joshua felt the bed move as Seokmin got up and heard his footsteps pad away across the room, a door creaking open. And then there was the distant sound of running water. His eyes closed and he dozed off, waking to the touch of a damp, heated cloth against his skin.
“Huh?”
“Just cleaning you up. Let’s make you a bit more comfortable, hey?”
He murmured his assent as the cloth gently cleaned his stomach and groin and a soft towel patted him dry. Seokmin settled back down onto the bed next to him. Joshua was tempted to straddle him, just to see what the alpha would do, but contented himself with pressing up against Seokmin’s body and enjoying the post-orgasmic haze. The rising sun was slowly brightening the room around them, and neither of them fell back asleep. Joshua could almost hear the alpha thinking and was wondering what was on his mind when the alpha broke into a low rumble of laughter.
“Did some idiot really propose to you with an ultimatum that you be barefoot and pregnant?”
“Yep,” Joshua admitted lightly. “Not one word of a lie.” He felt a pang of pain at the recollection and shoved it ruthlessly down. He wasn’t going to let it ruin another day.
“Who was he?”
“Just a lawyer I met during a case a few years back. We dated and things were going great. At least, I thought they were going great. His family came from old money, and I worried about, you know, ‘traditional’ family values. But he gave every indication of being a modern and progressive thinker when it came to omegas. Until his true feelings came out with the engagement ring.”
He traced his fingers along Seokmin’s chest, encountered a scar, and wondered at its cause. Would it drag up bad memories to ask?
“It was a blessing in disguise,” he admitted.
“How so?” Seokmin asked, his gaze on the ceiling.
“I was ready to settle down. I wanted to be his mate, I wanted to have his baby. If he hadn’t shown his true colors then, I might have already been mated and pregnant before I realized it was a trap.”
“You really had no idea those were his true feelings all along?”
“There were signs, but I was too close to see them for what they were. It was only afterward, thinking back, that I could see things clearly.”
“And you were never tempted by that life? Having a home to keep and a baby to raise?”
“I want a mate and a home, I want kids. But I’ve carved out a life for myself that is centered around my profession. It’s part of who I am. I’m respected for what I do, my opinions are valued, and I help people at some of the most difficult times in their lives. I don’t want to have to sacrifice that for marriage and kids. And why should I? They’re not mutually exclusive. Betas aren’t expected to give up work just because they’ve got a ring on their finger or they popped out a baby.” Joshua realized he’d gotten heated, his tone animated, and he lapsed into silence. Seokmin didn’t need to hear his rants on the inequalities facing omegas.
“I get it,” Seokmin said quietly. “You don’t want to choose, and you shouldn’t have to.” He paused before asking, “When did you two break it off?”
“A year ago.”
Sometimes it felt like a lifetime had passed since then. Other times, it felt raw, like it had just happened.
“And I’m the first alpha you’ve been with since?”
There was the slightest grin on Seokmin’s face as he asked, and Joshua poked him with a finger. He knew what alphas were like. They could be so territorial when it came to whichever omega was sharing their bed.