#23: Not now. Not ever.

                                    

                                          
Chapter Twenty-Three: "Not now. Not ever."
After Jenga was Blackjack but Haechan had no interest. He kept quiet, just doing the minimum to play since he did not have a choice. Leaving meant giving a reason as to why he was upset and he could not do that.
Instead he stared at his cards, his mind drifting off. He was doing exactly what Mark told him not to.
Overthink.
Haechan could not help the doubts and insecurities that crawled into his mind. It messed with his head and made him feel down.
"I think you're starting to worry Mark hyung," Jaemin mumbled under his breath before he got himself a card. He kept his volume up through the game to ensure the attention was on him so that the others would not notice that a usually noisy Haechan was silent.
Jaemin was a really dependable friend and Haechan got reminded of it today.
True enough, Haechan noticed Mark's concerned glances. Jaemin could distract everyone else but no one could take Mark's attention off of Haechan. 
"Are you tired?" Mark finally asked. "Do you want to sleep?"
"No, I'm fine," Haechan replied quickly, avoiding his eyes. Mark could tell he was lying. Maybe Haechan was not tired but Mark was sure he was not fine either. Something was bothering Haechan and so that bothered Mark.
Mark placed his cards on the table as the round finished with Jeno winning. 
"Okay let's wrap it up."
"WHY?" Chenle's voice was so loud as though he had a speaker lodged in his throat.
"We've been playing for a couple hours already," Jaemin seconded Mark's opinion. "I'm going to be sick of cards now."
"Then let's do something else," Jisung suggested. Chenle nodded next to him but Jeno groaned. Jaemin was reluctant for the sake of Mark and Haechan while Renjun was siding with the younger ones.
They were divided by opinions.
"I've got work tomorrow, so count me out," Mark said.
Renjun blocked that reason. "It did not stop you yesterday when you and Haechan went out."
Mark was caught off guard for a second but he quickly countered back. "I stayed up late last night and woke up early today. So I really need the rest now."
"Okay true," Renjun pouted.
Jeno clapped his hands as they dispersed to their respective rooms. Jaemin gave Haechan an encouraging smile before going in with Jeno. Haechan had smiled back weakly before he returned to the room, Mark shortly behind him as he stayed back in the kitchen to get water first.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Mark asked the moment he shut the door to their room. "You've been upset."
"I'm just tired, Mark."
Mark's expression went slack. "You can't tell me?"
Haechan could hear the disappointment and he dare-say hurt in his voice. Haechan had never pushed him away. If anything he always went to Mark for the smallest to the most serious things that bothered him. 
It was a first that Haechan did not want to talk to Mark and the older could not take it.
"You won't understand."
"Why won't I?" Mark gently turned him by the shoulders so that he would face him. 
Haechan shook his head.
Mark stepped closer to him. "You can tell me. I won't judge. I'm here for you."
He always was. He always had been. Haechan knew that. Mark had supported him since day one. He was like a safety net, ready to catch him if Haechan ever fell. But hadn't he done that for the other members as well?