31/07/24

                                    

                                          

My dearest, special Kyra,
I'm gonna begin writing letters to you - so that when you come back you can see that I've been okay by myself and I've changed so then I can love you the way you deserve and then maybe you'll see that I'm better now and if you see I'm better than you might wanna be with me again and try us again because this time I won't have my mental health getting in the way of us, which is kind of what started this whole crappy season. Which has destroyed me and you both and I don't know how you feel or what you're thinking right now but for me, still being in love with you, this. Is. TORTURE. Never knowing whether you still feel the same deep down, never knowing if you want to come back, but believing, manifesting and praying you will. Because baby it's you, it will always be you, and I will fight for you and us until there is no breath left in my body. Even if it means I die and you never came back I will still love you and be in love with you. But I believe you will come back because we are meant to be and I feel this in the depths of my soul.
Anyway, writing to you is also gonna help me maintain no contact, because there are sooo many things I want to tell you and share with you and I've debated sending a text to ask how you are but you want space and I'm giving that to you. As much as my brain is like "she might be like oh that's sweet she's checking up on me", you are definitely not in that headspace and hearing from me is just gonna trigger you. And probably me. And so instead of wishing I could tell you these things, I'll write them here, I'll get it all out of my system so I don't text, and one day you can read these letters and hear all the stuff I got up to. Also baby I love you :3
I'll start with today. Today my dad had to go into the CBD cuz of some mandatory collaboration thingy at work which he wasn't looking forward to because everyone at his job is kind of annoying and incompetent and they've literally been failing as a company for 5 years and every meeting they have is absolutely pointless. Needless to say I got to see the corporate office and mAn is it fancy. The sort of modern business "I'm a super important person with lots of money" vibe with a cafe downstairs with little pods for working, each with a giant screen for meetings, and then the whole other floors which I couldn't go up because obviously I am merely common folk :') I swear though I felt like I was the daughter of someone super duper important and everyone would be jealous of the privilege I had. Until I stepped into the city on my own and was concealing my phone's map while I walked xD My dad and I got a coffee and a cookie at that cafe before he went up to work because it was cold outside and we were warming up. After that he went up and I went out, and the first place I went to was Queen Victoria Building which is basically like the Aussies trying to copy London's fancy buildings. I looked around some little clothes shops and had to change my sanitary towel because this period be heavyyyyy. Then I looked up some places to go to on my phone cuz I didn't know where I wanted to go, but decided to go to a bookshop which was in a little mall. There's a lot of little malls and markets in sydney with little shops and stuff. But baby this bookshop was huuuuuuuuge it was like London's waterstones but only one floor sadly. Waterstones has 5 plus an underground cafe xD So I guess not like London's waterstones. But still really big and so many books. I didn't get any though cuz I don't have furniture xD I'll wait to get bookshelves or just build some shelves before I buy any books. I have a bed and some drawers to put my clothes but that's pretty much it. My stuff's either thrown onto the floor or shoved in my suitcases which are also on the floor. Most of the stuff that's on the floor is actually loads of phones and laptops and tablets and iphones and stoof. My dad pulled out like 20 of them and said if I reset them and stuff and sell them I can keep the money. So I have a bunch of phones all over my floor xD And he also said that's just the first batch. Like huh there's mOrE? And yeah. There's like 50 more :') Oh well, monehhhh. Uhm anyway what was I talking about. oH yEs. After going to that bookshop I went to an anime store oF cOuRsE and it took about 15 minutes to get there cuz I couldn't find it. But when I did I bought two figure and they gave me a discount hOnHoNhOn. Also they gave me a membership like straight away so every time I go there now I'll get discounts. HEHEHEHEH. Then I went to Paddy's Market and walked around the little market stalls and there was some cool stuff, I didn't buy anything but a little pale blue beaded chain with bows and butterflies for a Samsung s21 wHiCh HaPpEnS tO bE mY oThEr PhOnE (i like that one in the batch, it'd been dropped in a fire but it still worked great so I kept that one, now I have two phones) caught my eye, and I stood there for uhhh maybe 5 minutes or more going dO i...until I decided nah I dun need it. But I really want it now xD I might go back and buy it some time. After Paddy's Market I went to Chinatown and got some bubble tea, and then my dad went on his lunch break so I walked back to his office and we both walked to Queen Victoria Building and we went to this quaint little victorian tea room which looked reeeally posh and fancy schmancy with crystal chandeliers and bone china tea sets and oh my days my victorian era obsessions were fulfilled in that place, I just wished I was dressed for it cuz I genuinely look like a homeless person right now. It was so cuuuute and the tea was proper tea leaves in a metal strainer thing inside the teapot. AHHH i loved it i wanna go again. Then he went back to work and I went to another anime store, bought 3 more figures yes I know it's bad, but now I have 6 here, BUT ALAS I STILL HAVE LIKE 35 IN ENGLAND I CRI. After that I got hungry so I went to the same market with the bookstore because right in front of that was a ramen place and I got some ramen and it was gooood, not as good as Uzumaki in london but aaaalmost there. Aaaand after that I was tired so instead of waiting for my dad to finish work I just went to Wynyward and got one of the buses back to Narrabeen. And then after I got off the bus I decided I wanted another drink xD So I went into P&N's gelato place cuz that's the closest cafe to us and I'm a regular there so they give me discounts and they know what I like. It's literally down the road from my house. So I got a chai latte and walked back. My dad saw me in the security cameras that are outside the house, cuz they're connected to his phone so he was notified there was someone caught in the cameras (just me unlocking the door) and he tried to speak through his phone to the camera to say hi but it came out as skskskskskskskkkdkskdskkdekkdrkrkrkrkrkeloisekrkrkrkrkrkrkrkrkrkrk and so I just did a little dance and said hi and then said I got a coffee adieu and then disappeared into the house with a little bow cuz I know he could hear and see me fine xD Then I got in, put on music and danced a bit because why not and then put my figures out anywhere in my room, opened them and stuff then put them back in their boxes xD I'm not getting them out until I have something to actually display them on. Then my dad came home and I showed him a really cool dek space on pinterest with all the markers and pencils colour coordinated and all neat and pretty and we were talking about how I could do my room once we get some furniture. Cuz the entire house is empty. We just got beds xD Since then I've been listening to music, and unlike with my mum, I can actually play it without headphones and not worry about what words are in the song because my dad literally listens to all the same songs turns out. And he wont care about all the swearing and sexual references or other stuff my mum wouldve flipped out about. One time, my dad literally woke me up with eminem's new album playing shouting ELOISE HE'S MAKING FUN OF MIDGETS xDD I just crawled out of bed and listened and I was like how does he get away with offending literally every person in the world. My dad's been to an Eminem concert. OH YOU ARE GONNA FIND THIS SO COOL. Yknow Bring Me The Horizon? Right, so my dad put on rock and said you like this kind of stuff right? And I said yeah I listen to stuff even heavier than this, like Bring Me The Horizon and he just FREAKED and went WAT NO WAY YOU KNOW BRING ME THE HORIZON????? And at first I thought he just really loved the band but then he went WOAH I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY MADE IT. I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY'RE BIG AND FAMOUS NOW. Turns out my dad was best friends with them while they were still starting out and he supported them. He had no idea how big they got now cuz to him they were just his mates. And that is just sO cOoL. Another thing that is really cool and actually pretty funny is Katy Perry, right, she had a little affair with my dad xD And then he bumped into her husband the next day xDDD Aaaand that's my dad's claim to fame.