„Daddy?" Matthew asked whilst shovelling a spoon of soup into his mouth.
„Yeah buddy?" Tim gave his best to feed June some soup, but the toddler was way more interested in the dog, sitting on their feet.
„Why do you have so many scars?"
Tim looked up at Lucy who catches his eyes, before turning to Matthew.
„My scars?" Tim asked again, hoping that he just didn't understood him correctly. He really didn't wanted to ruin their dinner with a talk about his scars.
„Yeah. You have a lot." Finnegan chimed in, not quiet meeting his eyes.
Tim sighed, „I do, yes. But you've seen them before? What changed?"
„Mhh we overheard some woman on the beach today." Fei said, she looked quiet angry about it.
„And what did those woman say?" Lucy asked, cleaning up Junes mess.
„They talked about dad and his looks."
„How handsome he is." Theo said and Tim tried really hard to not grin at his wife. Lucy kicked his foot.
„What else did they say?" Tim asked, giving June some soft bread.
„They said that the scars ruined your look. That they are ugly and it makes you look scary."
„But we don't think you're ugly dad." Fei pointed out.
„Or scary!" Theo nodded along to his sister.
Tim smiled at his kids, thankful to have a bunch of amazing and caring children.
„Thank you boots..." he looked at Lucy and Lucy just nodded, gave him a smile and took his hand.
„I do have a lot of scars. I used to mind them a lot, I hated them when I was younger. But a very special person told me once that those scars are telling a story. The story of a life, in this case mine. And whilst I have a lot of scars with stories that I really would rather forget. Most of my scars are connected with stories that make me feel good."
His kids looked at each other and than at their parents.
„I don't get it." Finnegan said.
Lucy chuckled at that, „they might need an example babe." Lucy began caressing the back of his hand with her thumb.
„You guys know the scar on my head right?" he pointed to the side of his head where, behind the hair, you could make out a thin scar.
The kids nodded and waited for their dad to continue.
„That's a scar I would rather forget. I have it since I was seven or eight. You guys know that my dad wasn't a good dad, and he gave me this scar one day because I made him upset. That's a story I would rather forget."
„What did he do?"
„Why was he upset?"
Tim sighed, „you guys really want to hear all the details huh?"
„Duh dad."
Tim chuckled and nodded, „all right. I guess one day I would have to tell you anyway."
Lucy squeezed his hand, signalling him that he didn't have to tell their kids if he didn't want to.
„Okay, so my dad used to be really mean, he was an alcoholic and always angry at something. Mostly me, and to let out his anger he, well..."
How do you tell your kids that your own father used to beat you up and that's why you have a lot of faded scars. What if it made them scared of him? Or made them see him as weak?
Lucy recognised his inner struggle and took his hand to her lips, giving him a kiss.
„It's okay, you don't have to." she said quietly, not breaking eye contact.
Tim gave her a small grateful smile, before taking a deep breath and continuing.
„My dad used to be really mean to me. He beat me up on a regular..."
Tim looked at his kids, seeing their faces full of shock and, surprising to him, anger.
„He beat you?! That's no father!" Finnegan said, „you never hurt us and my friends fathers never hurt them."
„That's how it should be going buddy. But sadly we have a lot of family's in this world where that is not the norm."
„What did you do to make him upset?" Theo asked.
„there were a lot of things, when I didn't load the dishwasher, when I came home with a bad grade, when I tried standing up for your aunt Genny, when I looked at him funny- let's just say there were a lot of reasons for him."
„I don't understand... You did nothing bad though. What did he do to give you that scar?"
„He uhm- he shoved me down the stairs in our house."
Fei gasped and put down her spoon. „He did what!? Why?"
„He was upset with me because their was no beer in the fridge." Tim couldn't quiet meet his kids eyes, to ashamed to ruin dinner with such stories.
The next thing he knew was two small arms around his waist, hugging him with force.
He looked down and saw Theo clutching at him.
Tim glanced at Lucy before pulling Theo up into his lap.
Theo hugged him even tighter, but Tim was fine with that. He pulled his son against his chest and just held him there.
„I'm glad that he is dead." Finnegan said, looking angry. Matthew nodded and Fei clutched Lucy's arm.
„Me too buddy." Tim murmured, placing a kiss on Theo's crown.
„Your father has a lot of those scars, but what do you think about a scar with some happy memories behind it?" Lucy asked
„Which scar is a happy scar daddy?" Fei asked, looking him up and down. „Ouh there are a lot."
„There is a scar on my arm that I got while riding my bike as a kid or Ouh the one that I got having a bet with your aunt Angela."
„What kind of bet?" Matthew asked, already grinning. The kids knew that their dad and aunt had a lot of ridiculous bets going on.
„What was it again baby?" Tim asked Lucy.
„I think it was the one climbing on our roof to clean the pipes." Lucy smiled, „I mean you won but still."
„it was worth the scar and every penny we saved for not hiring some professional."
„that is a shitty bet." Fei laughed and her siblings joined in.
„It was yes" Tim laughed, „but it caused good memories."
„I hope I will have a lot of happy scars!" Finnegan beamed at his father.
Tim laughed, ruffling his hair, „I hope that you all grow up with a lot of happy memories and as less scars as possible."
„Don't worry dad, we have a lot of good memories!" Matthew said.
"Yeah, beach days and family dinners!"
"Pool partys and birthdays!"
"Bed time stories and uhh hikes." Theodore mumbled against Tims chest.
Tim smiled brightly at his kids and Lucy, "we do have a pretty good life huh?"
"The best." Lucy replied, leaning in and kissing him softly.
Later that night they had a family movie night, with Leighton sleeping on his chest and the other kids snoring around him and Lucy.
"We need to carry them all to bed." Tim whispered.
"What do you think of a sleepover?" Lucy asked, turning to face him.
Tim faced her as well, smiling from ear to ear, "I would love to."
Lucy chuckled quietly, "you're a good dad."
"They make it easy, you make it easy." Tim took her hand and gave it a squeeze.
Never did he imagine that he would be able to live a life like his. With a loving family and so much joy daily.
