Chapter 16 Celestia

                                    

                                          

                                               They are Toxic
They probably are, but they love me
                                          No one loves you
Aren't you exaggerating?
  They probably are toxic, but they are still my parents. I love them and they love me. I know they do. 
"We act this way because we love you"       My parents' voices echoed in my head, hearing these words again and again made them stuck in my brain playing rent-free.
Sitting alone in my room is always the reason for my overthinking, and I often stay in my room when my parents are traveling, which is, most of the time.
I can't imagine I arrived at this point.
I was thinking that my parents don't like me.
I am their fucking daughter!
                                          You are a disappointment.
How can I be a disappointment when I do everything, I should be doing?
I am doing my best in school.
                                                  Your best is not enough.
I am polite.
                                             Sometimes you are a pain In the ass.
I do my homework.
                                            You don't do extra work.
"I don't have time," I said a bit too loud
 I practice my piano. 
  Not every day.
I don't fucking have time.
Can you do me a huge favor?
I asked myself, I know I am going crazy.
Can you shut up and let me think?
                                         I am your thoughts.
I'd rather not think then, but of course, it's not how it works.
Lots of thoughts collide with one another.
Suddenly Greta's accent could be heard yelling my name. 
"Dinner's ready miss," she spoke and I headed down the stairs.
"I am not-" I started but she cut me and spoke sounding sternly, "You are going to eat kid, I am not letting you starve," she spoke sternly.
I did not reply to this, she has been working in the family for a very long time, she is family now, and I loved her, I respected her with every bone of my body.
After dinner I went straight back to my room and sat on my bed, thinking again and again about the same things.
What if, I am not enough.
                                                 You will never be enough
I am a stranger in my own, sick mind.
                                People have it so much worse you know.
That doesn't make my feelings less valid!
Your feelings aren't valid at all. They were never valid and never will be.
When suddenly silence echoed in my mind, the sound of the light rain hitting my window was the only thing I could hear.