Chapter Twenty-Eight - Billie

                                    

                                          
"But I've been saying it for months, and she just won't say it back. I don't understand why. We've been together over a year," I say, lying in my bed. Zoe is next to me while Claudia is sitting at the desk doing her make-up. 
"Maybe she's just not ready to say it," Zoe says.
"If she wasn't ready, she should've said that the first time I've said it. But she just walks away or ignores it when I say it," I tell her.
"Y/n needs a better place than a desk to do make-up in her room," Claudia chimes in. Zoe and I both look at her. "What?"
"Are you even hearing a thing I'm saying?" I ask her.
"You're talking about saying I love you to Y/n and how she won't say it back," she says.
"Okay, well, what do you think about it?" She sighs and looks at me.
"Talk to her about it. Figure out why she won't say it back. Like Zoe said, she might just not be ready, but if you're so concerned, talk about it. That's the best option," I sigh and nod. 
"We can not help you through this. You gotta figure it out," 
"Claudia, don't be so mean," Zoe says.
"It's fine," I tell her. "Besides, she's right. I just need to talk to her. I'm gonna talk to her about it tonight because I don't think I can handle not knowing why she won't say it back,"
"Good," 
-
About four hours later, Y/n had come home. As she walked in, I heard her talking to somebody. 
Who the hell is she talking to? 
I make my way out to the living room and see her talking to three people. She looks at me and smiles. She comes over and gives me a quick kiss.
"Who all is here?" I ask her.
"Cassie, Violet, Matt, and Ben," she says. I nod.
"Why?" I whisper to her. 
"They wanted to hang out after work, so I offered to let them come over here. I'm sorry, I should've asked if you were okay with people coming over tonight," 
"No, it's alright. It's your house,"
"It's our house," she reminds me. I smile. "Let's go talk to everybody,"
"Actually, there was something I wanted to talk to you about," I tell her.
"Can it wait until later?" She asks. I'm kind of hurt by her asking that.
"Um, yeah, sure," she says, walking away. I watch as she and everybody else sit in the living room. She motions for me to come sit next to her, and I do. She wraps her arm around me, pulling me closer to her. 
-
Two hours later everybody is still here. It's almost midnight. I'm tired, and I really need to talk to Y/n. I just really want to get this topic out of the way so I know what's happening. Is she not ready? Does she not feel the same? I finally get up and start walking away.
"Where are you going?" Y/n asks. 
"To the bedroom," I say, not looking back at her. 
"You might be in trouble," I hear one of the boys whisper, and they all laugh. Oh my God. I went to shut the door but was stopped by Y/n.
"Wait, Billie. What's wrong? I thought you were okay with everybody being here," she says, closing the door behind her. 
"It's not that," I tell her.
"So, it's something. What is it?" I sigh. 
"I wanted to talk to you about something when you got home, but then you had people here, so it had to wait," she nods.
"Okay, so tell me what it is you wanted to talk about," 
"Why don't you ever say I love you back," I ask her. She doesn't say anything. Her mouth opens but closes, and she looks down. "Well? I've been saying it for months, and not once have you said it back. I'd be fine if you weren't ready to say it. I would stop if that were it. But you haven't said anything, and it's making me think you don't feel the same,"
"That's not true," she says. 
"Then what is it?" I ask her. It's quiet for a moment before she says something.
"I hate those words,"
"But why?" 
"Because I've never loved anyone the way I Love You..."
She stops, and it's like she realizes what she said because she has a shocked look on her face, and then she turns around. I don't say anything. 
"I do love you it's just hard for me to say it. I hate it," she says. I just stand there, looking at her. "I never said it back because I never thought you actually meant it," 
"Why would I not mean it?" 
"Because why would you love someone who has hurt you before? I also just never thought of it as a possibility," I roll my eyes.
"You made a mistake a long time ago. I've moved on from that. That's not gonna change how I feel about you now. I love you, and I've just wanted to know why you never said it back," 
"I'm scared that I'll fuck something up or that you'll change your mind,"
"I'm not gonna change my mind and you're not gonna fuck anything up," I tell her.
"You don't know that,"
"Are you planning on hurting me?" She shakes her head.
"God no," she says, making me smile.
"Then you're not gonna fuck anything up or hurt me. Stop worrying about it. You not gonna help yourself doing that," she sighs and nods. She stays quiet for a few minutes.
"I Love You, Billie. You have no idea how badly I've been wanting to say that to you," she admits.
"You should've just said it," I told her. She laughs. "Let's go. They're gonna wonder where we are," We walk back out to the living room, and everybody looks at us.
"What the hell were you two doing in there?" Cassie asks us.
"Talking," Y/n says, and everybody makes a face like they don't believe us. But I don't care, our conversations are none of their business.