Zachary ~64~

                                    

                                          
TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of sexual abuse
She was going to kill me. I just knew it.
I had caught her sneaking into my room in the middle of the night, crawling into bed with me. She tried to keep quiet as she laid down to not 'wake' me. I watched as she scooted onto the bed, draping the blanket over her barely covered legs. The moon was bright and full tonight, providing just the right amount of light.
She tried her best to subtly snuggle into me, hoping I didn't wake up. When she looked up at my face and saw that I was indeed awake, she nearly let out a scream. I nearly pissed myself from laughing so much, watching her pout before laughing with me. 
We had all settled in the living room to watch a movie with her. But 20 minutes in, she had already fallen asleep against Callan and me. Atticus had put her to sleep in her bed and we all discussed what we were to do now. I loved this woman. 
I love her more than I realize. 
"What do you think you're doing, huh?" I tease, pulling her closer to me. She grins and kisses me softly, cuddling into me. 
"My room is too cold." She huffs, snuggling into me even further. If she could crawl into my skin I'm sure she would.
"So you came seeking warmth from the best man alive?" I say playfully, making her scoff. She shakes her head and smiles, hiding it in my chest.
"Don't get too cocky now." She huffs. I stay quiet and just hold her against me, enjoying her warmth and smell. "I found your voicemails..."
I stop breathing for a second, opening my eyes to look at her. She had a small smile on her face. 
"What about them..?" I whisper, making her sit up and straddle me, laying her body on mine to sort of hug me.
"You're a wimp. That's what." She teases, making me gasp in mock offense. "No but in all seriousness... thank you. They made me realize how much you care for me... how much all three of you care."
"Oh, sweetheart." I wrap my arms around her and hug her tightly. "We care more for you than we have for anyone else. And that speaks volumes."
"While I was there, for a moment or two I thought you three wouldn't come for me. I thought I didn't mean anything anymore. But I know now that that was not true in the slightest." She smiles at me, leaning down and kissing me deeply. I was taken aback by the suddenness but didn't complain.
I kissed her back just as deeply, feeling her body start to melt into mine. I pull away after sensing her hesitance. 
"Speak your thoughts, pretty girl," I whisper softly, gently moving her hair out of her face. "Can I cut your hair? You can tell me what's wrong while I do."
"Yes, please." She murmurs, getting out of bed. I follow and walk into the ensuite, grabbing the scissors from the drawer. They weren't hair scissors at all but they'd have to do. I pull her to stand in front of me, grabbing my comb and brushing through her hair. 
"You know more things than I do when it comes to... everything intimate." She begins. I start snipping away at her hair, leveling it out. "After someone has been.. in my situation.. what are they supposed to feel when it comes to... y'know..."
"Sex?" I ask, watching her face heat in the mirror. I knew what she was asking and it hurt my heart. I didn't know how to answer her correctly since I didn't exactly know. I thank everything holy that I've never been in that position. But the fact that my friends and my girl have been in that situation hurt more than it should.
"Yes.."
"I don't know." I simply say, kissing the back of her head. She frowns and turns to look at me, a conflicted look in her eyes. "I don't want to tell you something and it not be true in the slightest. To be honest, I don't know anything about that. But I'm sure if you ask Callan or Atticus, they can give you better insight."
"But I don't want to wait till the morning to know..." She pouts, I kiss her pouty lips and smile. 
"Callan is still awake. He's been working on something for a while so you can go and distract him." I grin against her lips. She smiles and wraps her arms around my shoulders, kissing me. "But I want to keep you to myself for right now."
"I love you. I really really love you.." She whispers against my lips, making me groan and wrap my arms around her tighter, lifting her off her feet. I placed her on the counter, kissing her with so much force she was forced to lean back. 
"I love you more, sweetheart." I nip her lip playfully making her push me jokingly. Truth was, I did love her more. She could ask me to carve my heart out and give it to her and I would. But I knew she wouldn't do it for us. Not yet at least. A part of her was still too guarded. Still too afraid. 
I didn't care. As long as it's us that she lays her head down with then I'll be fine.
As long as it's her I get to marry then I'll be fine.
Fuck. 
I wanted to marry her. 
I want to make her my wife. Not my submissive, not my girlfriend, but my wife. I want her to be the mother of my children. Fuck me, I'm in too deep.
"Come on, let go lay back down." I pick her up and walk into the room, turning off the light in the bathroom and tossing her on the bed, grinning at her little grunt. I crawl onto the bed, grabbing her ankles and yanking them, forcing her down the bed. I crawl on top of her, grinning before dropping some of my weight on her, making her wheeze.
I lay on top of her, staying there for a good second before she kicked me off of her. I lay beside her, tucking her into me. I inhale her scent, immediately relaxing. I was more than content to have her here with me. I wanted to put her in a bubble to keep her safe forever.
I felt her hand in my hair, scratching and massaging my scalp. My eyes shut involuntarily, humming softly as I felt sleep take over me. My head moved to lay on her chest, listening to her heartbeat. I heard her begin to hum a soft tune, continuing to scratch my scalp. Her humming along with her heartbeat has now become my favorite song.
And inevitably, the comforting darkness known as sleep washed over me like a blanket.