Winnie The Pooh

                                    

                                          


January 2014
I'm special? 
At least that's what Jamie says. The scientists in the white coats don't seem to think so, though. That's why they fill me up with so many chemicals that it feels like I'm bursting at the seams. They say it's all to make me special, like my dad. Since I didn't come out of the machine being able to lift a car or lead an army like I was supposed to.
Jamie says I'm special like my dad in my own way. He says I have the same wide-eyed smile that he had when he was little, and our ears both go red when we lie. Jamie also says I look like a deer stuck in headlights a lot of the time, especially after missions when I just stare into space and let the occasional tear fall. I don't think my dad did that because he's meant to be big and brave, and people who are brave don't cry.
That's why I try my best not to, but sometimes everything is just too much, and I can't help it. Jamie says that's okay because I'm still little and I don't have to be big and strong yet, like my dad. But usually after he says that, he adds that I don't have to be a carbon copy of my dad. Which is silly because that's what I am—a failed copy of Steve Rogers.
I was created after the scientists at Hydra got ahold of his DNA by infiltrating SHIELD in the '60s. It took a while for them to actually bring me to life, though—almost 50 years. 50 years of me being in a little tube waiting for them to put me in the machine that would ultimately make my heart start and let me grow into a proper girl.
I wasn't supposed to be a girl; they made a mistake when working on my genetic material. While trying to make sure the serum my dad has would be in me, they accidentally gave me two X chromosomes. At least I came out strong, not as strong as my dad because that's impossible.
Dr. Smirnov was the one who took most of the credit for creating me. He was the one who decided I was ready to be brought to life. Jamie says that because a girl came out of the machine, they got rid of him. I don't know what Jamie means by that, but I'm pretty sure he's dead. Which is silly 'cause it's not his fault.
Silly like Jamie's long hair, which gets in his eyes when we get sent off on missions. I keep telling him to cut it, but I think he likes it that way. It gives him something to control, because he doesn't get to do that very often. 
But not the same kind of silly as Jamie naming me Winifred, because that was my dads aunt's name. Not many people call me that, it's usually Subject 5 this and #2765432 that. 
I don't like it when people call me that, it makes me feel like I need to crawl into a hole and never come out. I get the same feeling when Hydra makes Jamie do things to me that he would never do if he wasn't being controlled. Jamie doesn't know that he does that. 
I can't tell him. Mr. Pierce said it's our little secret. I'm allowed to tell my dad when I meet him though, Pierce only said that cause he thinks we'll never meet.
I haven't met my dad in the five years I've been alive, which feels like a really long time, but it isn't really in the scheme of things—or so Jamie says. I don't really know what it means; it just makes me sound fancy.
My dad doesn't even know I exist since I wasn't on SHIELD documents until 2012. He also wasn't considered to be alive until 2011, when SHIELD found him stuck in a bunch of ice. I like that fact it makes me feel closer to him. 
I'm not supposed to know this since it's classified, but the agents talk kind of loud, so sometimes I overhear them talking about it.
When I told Jamie this, he just stared at the wall for ages and only blinked when I waved my hand in front of his face. Later that night, I heard him crying through the cell walls. He was trying to be quiet so I couldn't hear him. He's not very good at that.