Brooklyn ~61~

                                    

                                          
TRIGGER WARNING: slight mention of sexual assault.
I was finally able to walk properly. There was no more pain between my legs and the bruises and marks had faded away. Only a few stayed a light yellow. I continued physical therapy, getting used to the fact that I was no longer going to be able to see all three of the men in the same room at the same time. 
Callan and Atticus had been mad at each other. Zachary was angry at everything. Just a few days ago I caught him yelling at the toaster because it burned his toast. I walked back to my room.
Everyone was falling apart and I didn't know what to do about it. Maybe it was because of everything that happened to me. I remember one day I was relaxing in bed with Callan and he told me that there was something about me that lured him to me. Like a siren's song. 
He had told me how I was so different in all the best ways. That I was perfect for them. Then he kissed me and told me how much he promised to keep me forever. He promised to always care for me. No matter what.
Then he proved to me just how much he cared for me. 
I wanted that again. I wanted to feel like I was on cloud nine again. I don't know if I'll ever be able to though. I think that's the reason they're pulling away from me. They don't want broken scraps. They don't want someone as ruined as me.
Atticus has yet to come back, trying to track down Alek. I couldn't imagine how he was feeling. I was upset with him at first because he didn't tell me his real name and the fact he has a brother. But after I confronted him... I realized just how fucking dumb I was. 
I never meant to make him leave for so long... I didn't even mean to upset him. My emotions were all over the place and it made me frustrated. One second I was happy I was with them again then the next I was fucking depressed because eventually after I'm fully healed, they'll break things off with me. 
What was I going to do after that? How in the world would I live my life like I once did without them in it? 
Did I still want them in it..?
Of course, you do, bitch.
I just wanted to be me again. I wanted to be the little girl that Mom and Dad loved. I wanted to be the 'Brooky' that grew up in a loving home. If Mom and Dad were still alive, I wonder how they would react to everything... 
They were very religious people until Ellie died. The thought of gay people repulsed them. Growing up with closeted people made me confused. I never said anything to my parents because I knew they would react terribly. I met Milo in our first year of high school. Every time we wanted to hang out, I'd have to tell my parents. Then they'd want to meet him.
Even though they've met him again and again.
Milo's such a good friend that he would dress and act straight around my parents. He had practiced since his parents were the same. 
Milo helped me find out that I was Bisexual. I dated a girl in secret for a few months before she broke up with me after finding out my parents were homophobic. She left me with emotional scars. Then I met that bastard Joshua who left me with physical, emotional, and mental scars. 
I decided girls weren't it for me anymore. Sure, there is that underlying feeling of being with a girl again, but I don't think I'll want to trade these men for anything in the world. 
If you were to tell me a few years back that I would be in the situation I'm in now, I'd laugh at you. But that's what life's all about no? Life is full of twists and turns and it'll break your bones every chance it gets. But all you can do about it is get back up and thug it out. Then cuss it out for being a bitch.